Live Love Laugh

A Very Important Anniversary and the Return of the Blog

2010-09-01T23:49:00.004-04:00

I can't believe that I haven't written since December 31st...oops.

To get back into the swing of things, I present a very short post.

Oliver, August 2010

I love your cute puppy face.

I love how when I try to kick you off of our bed in the middle of the night, you just snuggle up even closer and sigh with contentment.

I love watching you catch the frisbee like a champ.

I love knowing that when I walk in the front door of the apartment, I will be greeted as though I've been gone for years.

I love that you follow me from room to room and lay down in the bathroom every morning while I'm getting ready for work.

I love that you have gotten us outside more so that we can actually enjoy our beautiful neighborhood and Frick Park.

I love watching you try to figure things out.

I love knowing that you love us.

Happy one year adoption anniversary, Oliver!

2009 in Review

2009-12-31T18:36:00.005-05:00

The end of 2009 has been a complete whirlwind...I'm not even sure where December went! To pick up where I left off, on November 23rd, we got engaged (see blurry picture of ring below)! It was very sweet (and very "us"...rather than just being easy and accepting his offer of a glass of wine (which actually turned out to be a bottle of champagne that he was trying to quietly open before the proposal), this is how the beginning of the conversation went:

PJ, from the kitchen: "Do you want anything to drink?"

Me, from our bedroom, where I was busy putting his sweatpants on, not knowing that this might not be the best night to look like a hobo: "Yeah, just a beer"

PJ: "Um...are you sure you don't want wine? I don't think we have any cold beer."

Me: "Ughhh...just put ice in it!"

Classy.

But in any case, he still decided to propose and I couldn't be happier about it. We've chosen October 8, 2011 as our tentative date...that way we'll have plenty of time to save up and have a really fun, beautiful night!

December was full of getting ready for the holidays...I wrapped up the first semester of my MBA (4.0!) mid-month and had a lot going on at work and PJ was pretty busy with work as well, but we still made some time to make cookies (of course). Unfortunately, I can't put pictures up of the ones that PJ made (other than the tree below) without a censor bar. Those poor snowmen. Very tasty, though.

We had a very holiday-ish night right before we left to go to New York--"It's A Wonderful Life" was playing for free at the old movie theater down the street from us, so we went and watched that and as soon as we walked out of the theater, it had started snowing. The neighborhood looked so beautiful--just like Christmas. Then we went home and opened our gifts to each other before heading off to New York for a week. It was a week full of family, friends, good food, good drinks, and horribly ugly Christmas sweaters.

And so, here we are in the last few hours of 2009. For the most part, I'm very happy with how this year went--I got my first Master's degree, ran my first 5K, got a dog, saw Pearl Jam, did a better job saving my money, got engaged, finally moved into a decent apartment...it's been a pretty good year! I don't think that I'll make any official resolutions for 2010, since they rarely stick, but I do want to put this out into the universe--

I want 2010 to be a positive year. I want to spend more time having fun, and less time worrying. I want to spend more time with my friends and family, especially those who live far away. I want to be more careful with how I treat myself and those I love.

I want 2010 to be a

really

great

year.

I wish everyone a wonderful, peaceful New Year!

The New 70

2009-11-17T16:07:00.005-05:00

Grandma Barb

Isn't she beautiful? This is my grandmother, who will turn 70 tomorrow (I can only hope to look this good when I turn 70!) We had a surprise birthday lunch for her in Buffalo on Sunday, and it was well worth the 3.5 hour drive back and forth! The look on her face when she walked into the restaurant was priceless...rarely have I seen my grandmother even tear up, but she looked completely overjoyed.

And so, in honor of her birthday, here are 5 of my favorite things about Grandma Barb:

5. She is an amazing artist...how many people get hand-drawn birthday cards from their grandma?

4. She knit an entire afghan for me and has enough patience to have tried to teach me to knit several times. However, her attempts were futile as I can't even knit one row without dropping a stitch and angrily ripping the entire thing apart.

3. Although she has a dishwasher, she refuses to leave any dishes dirty for longer than 30 seconds. The dishwasher is only used as extra storage space (which I'm sure she would really appreciate me telling people).

2. She loves to take pictures, but is very concerned about the lighting aspect of the picture, so, for instance, if you are sitting in a chair and reading a book, she will jump up, grab her camera, and say, "hold it!"..."wait, tip your head a little to the left...no, to the right now...look up a little...stop laughing, you're ruining the picture!"

1. No one else makes the song, "You Are My Sunshine" sound quite as beautiful. Also, no one else makes me harmonize on this song, regardless of where we are standing at the time. In the middle of the mall? Let's harmonize!

Happy birthday, Grandma! I love you!

The fam, after the birthday lunch

Beaner

2009-11-10T14:58:00.002-05:00

Jillian and I, posing before our Senior Prom

June 2001

Some days, it is so, so good to have a friend who just "gets" you.

Pearl Jam!

2009-11-08T21:46:00.002-05:00

Finally.

Last Friday night, I FINALLY got to go see Pearl Jam. I have been waiting for years to see them in concert, and for one reason or another, just haven't been able to go. But this year...ohhh, this year was different. I finally got to see them in concert with my friends Steph, Justin, and Gabe in Philly and the concert was SO AMAZING.

The setlist included some of my favorites, like "In My Tree," "Light Years," "Breath," and "Given to Fly"...some awesome new ones, like "The Fixer" and "Just Breathe," and some oldies but goodies, like "Jeremy" and "Alive."

There were so many points at which I, a) got teared up, b) grabbed my face in a Kevin McAllister/Home Alone-style "AHHHH!!!", or c) did all of the above, while simultaneously praying that by some stroke of luck, the concert would never end. I remember that at one point, while they were playing "Jeremy," I just stood there in shock. That was the first Pearl Jam song that I ever learned, the first one of their videos that I ever saw, and I was watching them play it live.

Great, great night. I'm so thankful that I got to go!

And even though they didn't play it, I leave you with some lines from my favorite song off their new album:

once outside the undertow
just you and me and nothing more
if not for love I would be drowning
I've seen it work both ways but I am up

riding high amongst the waves
I can feel like I
have a soul that has been saved
I can feel like I've
put away my early grave

gotta say it now
better loud
than too late
~

Pearl Jam, *Amongst the Waves*

Football and Politics...an Unlikely Combo

2009-10-26T17:37:00.005-04:00

Tailgating at our first Steelers game!

October 25, 2009

I just had such a fun weekend...on Friday, we went to our friends' pumpkin party, on Saturday, I went for a run in the beautiful weather with Oliver and we went to The Sharp Edge for appetizers and drinks with some new Pittsburghers, and yesterday, we went to our very first Steelers game!

The game was AWESOME...huge win over the Vikings, although I do have to say, it was really exciting to see Brett Favre throw passes in real life! PJ was invited by our friend Brian, and I was invited by our friend Dana, so we sat separately at the game. Dana's dad has season tickets for the club section, so my seat was amazing. About halfway into the first quarter, we noticed someone very familiar sitting two rows in front of us...

John Kerry (who was there with his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry)! It was so neat to see someone who I actually voted for in a Presidential election!

My weekend ended with a phone call from my long-lost college and post-college roommate, Megan, who I haven't seen since August 2008...I can't believe it's been that long! It was so good to catch up with her, and we made plans to go to the November 29th Buffalo Bills game...I can't wait!

And finally, I am counting down the days until I see Pearl Jam...only 4 left!

Home is Where Your Mom Is (and Dad, too)

2009-10-20T17:30:00.002-04:00

A BEAUTIFUL tree discovered in our little neighborhood while taking Oliver for a walk

October 19, 2009

I drove up to Corning this past weekend to visit my parents, after realizing that I finally had a weekend with no obligations and no big homework assignments due this week.

I didn't even do anything particularly exciting...met my brother, my parents, and some of their friends out for dinner, drinks, and bar music on Friday, then went to the house and snuggled with the dogs...ran some errands with Mom on Saturday (including coffee from Heavenly Cup, of course), made dinner for the family, did laundry, and watched "You've Got Mail" with my parents...went to the bakery with my mom and relaxed on Sunday before the drive back to Pittsburgh.

It was the best weekend I've had in a long time. I haven't felt that relaxed in months. There has been too much going on and even during the times that I have been sitting down, my mind has still been going a million miles a minute with lists of things to do. But there is something about being home (not as much at the holidays, because those are busy times at home, too) that is just so comforting, no matter how old you are. You can temporarily abdicate your position as a full-fledged adult and just relax, knowing that someone else will take care of you for a day or two. I really miss that feeling sometimes.

Thank you for apples.

2009-10-12T15:46:00.002-04:00

Today, I have been having a crazy busy AND bad karma day all rolled into one...backed my car into a wall (no damage...phew) and broke the copier within an hour of getting to work...all in the midst of trying to get piles of work done.

And then I remembered...I brought an apple to work today.

Before I begin (or continue) to sound like a huge weirdo, I just have to say, in no unequivocal terms, that I. Love. Fall. Sweaters, hot chocolate, cider, apples, sweatpants and a good movie, football, birthday, school supplies, boots, pumpkins, the colors of the leaves...I love them all. I think that it comes from growing up in Upstate New York, where fall is an event--it is really the most beautiful time of year.

So when I realized that I brought an apple to work today, it totally kicked the piles of work and the bad karma into a corner. Thank you for apples.

Little Reminders

2009-10-07T12:07:00.003-04:00

For the past week, the universe has been sending me reminders to take care of myself. Sometimes, I think we find ourselves so busy juggling everthing--work, school, relationships, and all of the day-to-day goodies like cleaning and errands, that we forget to take a break and just be. Last week, I received all kinds of giftcards for my birthday and the first thing I thought was, "Great! Now I have money to buy Christmas presents!"

Not even an hour after I said this to a coworker, I received these messages from Jillian, who gave me a giftcard to Sephora:

"Use it on yourself. DON'T BUY PRESENTS FOR OTHER PEOPLE!"

And then, just in case I hadn't gotten the point:

"Seriously. I KNOW YOU."

Oh, she's good.

So, needless to say, I went to Sephora on Friday and spent half of my giftcard on Philosophy's Creme Brulee body wash and some lip balm (and Jillian, I promise I'll spend the rest on myself...but at a later date).

Then the weekend got busy, mostly with our sixth wedding of the year and thoughts of my busy week to come and the 5k that we're running in this coming weekend, and SMACK...I got a cold. Something about that "my head is disconnected from my body" feeling tends to yank you back from all of your future thinking and drop you back into the present.

And so, universe, I hear you. I am trying to slow down this week and I am trying to take better care of myself and trying not to care if everything gets done. And I'm smelling like delicious creme brulee while I'm at it!

Party Like It's 9/29/09

2009-09-30T22:30:00.002-04:00

PJ and I at Mike and Ashley Wiese's wedding
September 26, 2009

Handsome devil, isn't he? We spent last Wednesday-Saturday in Orchard Park/Buffalo for the wedding of some college friends (and an early escape from the G-20 Summit in Pittsburgh). Very busy weekend, but it was good to see friends and family. We celebrated my birthday with my parents and relatives on Sunday and then headed back to the 'burgh.

Yesterday was my actual birthday, and it was great...just a quiet, but great day. I received lots of phone calls and messages from my family and friends, one of the departments that I work for took me out to lunch at Point Brugge Cafe (mussels in white wine and shallot sauce and an apple-walnut pastry for dessert)...mmm...) and then I came home to flowers and the BEST dinner at Legume (three-squash ravioli with braised pork shoulder and sage and a cardamom pot de creme for dessert...this is the dish that I want to be served on my deathbed.) Nothing too crazy, but just a very happy day. Thank you to everyone who gave me some love :o)

Working Girl

2009-09-21T18:08:00.004-04:00

Oliver, looking quite handsome

September 2009

Some days, I wish I had a job that I found fulfilling. It seems horrible to complain right now, with such a high unemployment rate in the US, but...I'm going to anyways. It's not that I dislike my current job--I actually work with some great people. Some days though, I sit at work and think, "why did I go to college, if I was only going to make pennies for a salary?" And then I just keep going to school and getting more degrees, but I still don't know what I want to do, so I sit at my job and do all of the work that no one else wants to do. Next Tuesday I'll turn 26, and this definitely was not where I thought I would be or where I wanted to be, job-wise. I have to confess, I'm very afraid of getting to 30 and realizing that I've wasted my 20s on jobs that drained me, rather than jobs that I felt proud of and excited about...because really, the majority of my waking hours are spent at work, so I should love what I do, right?

I want a job that makes me think, where if I'm tired, it's because I've been working so hard on something that I'm passionate about. I want to be proud when I talk about my job, instead of feeling like I have to qualify it with, "well, I'm going to grad school, so that's why I've been an admin for the past few years." I don't know what to tell people when they ask what I'm planning on doing when I'm done with grad school, because right now, I can't see that far and when I try to look, it's all very fuzzy.

On a much happier note, the new Pearl Jam album is awesome, and I will see them in t-minus 39 days.

Fall Kickoff!

2009-09-10T15:52:00.004-04:00

Yippee!! I heart football season.

(On a total side note...I want one of these chalkboards. Either the quotable one or the today one...birthday idea? Yes, I think so.)

Oliver

2009-09-06T15:59:00.003-04:00

Oliver's first day at home
August 31, 2009

This is Oliver. We got him from Animal Rescue League last Monday after meeting him the day before. His previous owner(s) left him tied to a tree with a note saying that he got too big. Wellll he's not to big for this joint. He's about eight months old and he loves to play and go for walks. He's a smart cookie, and when he wants you to play with him, he whips a toy at your leg (or, if you happen to be sitting, he has extraordinary aim and can smack you in the head with said toy). He loves to be around us, and if only one of us is home, he follows that person from room to room. If both of us are home, he runs back and forth between the two, not wanting to miss any excitement.

Sigh.

I have always wanted a dog of my own. I grew up with dogs--my parents currently have five. I couldn't wait for the day that I could finally get one. Now that that day has arrived, I feel...pressured? I'm not sure what I feel yet. I think that part of the problem is that the past few weeks had already been so hectic--packing up the old apartment and cleaning, coordinating a move, moving in and unpacking, home and back for Chris and Jillian's wedding, beginning my MBA, and a very busy time at work with the beginning of the school year. I've felt as though my head has been spinning lately, and this just made it go at turbo speed.

I hesitate to write any of this, because I do love this dog. He's very sweet, and needed a good home, and I'm so glad that we can provide that for him. When I look at him, I can already tell how happy he is. In fact, as I write this, I can see him sleeping in his big blue bed, and he looks so peaceful. It's just the matter of how much extra everything this adds on to life--extra time, extra effort, not to mention extra money. A part of me is yelling, "what were you thinking?!" The other part though, is telling that part to grow up. And maybe that's what this is about.

Oliver wakes up around 6:50 am, like clockwork. It doesn't matter if it's the weekend, he is UP and ready to go for his morning walk. As his owners and sharers-of-the-bedroom, we no longer have the option of sleeping in until 10 am (or even 8, as far as he is concerned). It doesn't matter if it's chilly outside, or if we didn't sleep well the night before, or if we have a million and a half things on our plates for the day--his needs have to take priority over all of that. There's nothing like a dog to magnify your selfishness...

And so, I will continue to love this dog. I will wake up in the morning at take him for a walk (you know, unless PJ wants to let me sleep in for a few...). I will play with him and let him know that he is with people who want him and who don't think that he's too big to take care of.

Gotta go...Oliver wants to play!

Happy Things

2009-08-30T19:37:00.002-04:00

Posing with two of my favorite girls at the rehearsal dinner
August 20, 2009

A few things that are making me happy right now...

*We went to meet this little gentleman today and might take him home this week! If not though, at least we have a dog bed and chew toys ready for our dog-to-be...

*Finally living in our totally awesome new apartment...we lucked into it because my friend Jennifer and her husband Dave were getting ready for a big move to Doha, Qatar. Major improvement from the last apartment...pictures to come soon!

*A surprise ticket to go see Pearl Jam in October! (Thank you, Gabe!)

*A weekend visit from Mom and Grandma Mary...there was homemade banana bread involved. Enough said.

*A text from my dad, just to let me know that he misses me and that he's proud of me

*Beginning my MBA this week...this is exciting to me primarily because I enjoy purchasing school supplies. Yes, I am still a geek.

*Less than a month until my birthday! Yes, I am still five years old and secretly do birthday countdowns in my head. Thirty days, in case you were interested.

*The new season of Top Chef is on. We always seem to cook more when this is on...I made some EXCELLENT chili last night!

*I have been connecting with all kinds of old friends lately, from elementary/middle/high school and college. It's so much fun to see what people are up to these days. I heart you, facebook.

Ahh, happy days :o)

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

2009-08-27T13:44:00.004-04:00

Chris and Jillian Scanlon

August 21, 2009

I am in love with this picture.

It was taken last weekend at Chris and Jillian's wedding. Never before have I met two people who are so very different, but still manage to make it work. Jillian is the more outgoing of the two, quiet when she needs to be, but bright and sunny to the world around her. She is the singer and the actress, the nurturer, the sensitive one. Chris is the quieter of the two, much louder when he knows you well, but quiet and observant to the world around him. He is the athlete and the teacher, the protector, the stoic one. Jillian loves people harder and more visibly than anyone I've ever met. Chris is not as quick to show it, but you know it's there, and once it is, it's there forever.

My heart is so full for these two. Congratulations to the new Mr. and Mrs. Scanlon!

A Good Find and a Congrats!

2009-06-07T22:23:00.003-04:00

I spent a good four-ish hours today garage sale hopping with my coworker, Gerry, and her daughter Robin and I was so excited about my big find that I had to post it. PJ and I have a galley kitchen and an affinity for kitchen gadgets, so we don't have all that much counter space. We've been looking for some sort of extra cabinet to serve as storage space and a little extra counter room, but haven't found anything we liked under $100. I found the above cabinet at a garage sale today for (drumroll, please...)....FIVE DOLLARS. Yes, thank you, I am queen of bargain hunting.

I also wanted to say congratulations to my man and a couple of friends. PJ, Brian, and Jillian rode their bikes 150 miles this weekend in the MS Society's Escape to the Lake. Great job, guys (and girl)!

I'll Miss You Most, Scarecrow

2009-06-06T12:48:00.003-04:00

This past week has been one of the more difficult ones that I've had to face in a long time. On Monday, I found out that one of my former co-workers from County Council had passed away very suddenly. John was one of those people who was so loud, so outgoing, and so lively, that the thought of him no longer being around is almost inconceivable to me.

After I got over the initial shock of finding out, I remembered one of the last conversations that we had, when I was getting ready to move on to my new job. John asked if I would ever come back and visit, and when I said yes, he said, "No, no you won't! You'll never come back to see us. You're going to miss me so much, though. You'll think, 'I'll miss you most, Scarecrow-' you know, that line from The Wizard of Oz? And I'll be the Scarecrow..." I promised to come back and visit, that we would go out to lunch.

John was the person who would walk through the office, singing a song or quoting a movie and trying to make you guess what it was from. He brought me linguine with clam sauce that his wife had made, because I told him it was my favorite. He always had almonds and candy in his office, because he knew that was a good way to get people to come in and talk. His cell phone ringer was the song from Monday Night Football and he would let it get through the whole song before he'd answer it, because he thought it was funny. He loved to talk about books and movies, and after I borrowed Citizen Kane, he would randomly walk up to me and say, "Rosebud..." After I worked there for two weeks, I told him he was obnoxious, and he never let me forget it. He was so proud of his family and talked about them all of the time. He had a Vanilla Coconut wallflower in his office and changed it in a huff after I told him that it reminded me of a bathroom, because that was the spray that we had at home. No matter where you were in the office, you could always hear John (even when he closed his office door, thinking that you could no longer hear him yell obscenities at the person on the other end of the phone). He was immensely proud of being the first staff member hired by Council and of his part-time job as a DJ. He loved making people laugh, and from what I heard, was still doing Marlon Brando impressions on his hospital bed. He was far from perfect, but he was 100% himself, all of the time.

I only went back to the office one time after I quit, and the senior staff members were all at a conference. I made someone take a picture of me in the office, just to prove to John that I had come back.

This whole experience has really shaken me. John had a three sons who were around my age, and a wife who he loved very much. He was only 57 when he died, and it was completely unexpected. It makes me want to say more "I love yous" and more "thank yous." It makes me want to hug people longer and visit and talk to them more often. It makes me want to get less bogged down by the stupid, inconsequential things that I allow to upset me. It makes me not want to put things off, especially things that involve spending time with friends and family. It makes me not want to take my life for granted.

I'll miss you most, Scarecrow.

Moments of Joy

2009-05-17T13:32:00.003-04:00

View of downtown Pittsburgh from Mt. Washington
Image taken from here

I am always astounded at how much faster time goes by when you're having fun. Jillian came down for the weekend and I'm shocked at how quickly it flew by...so quickly, in fact, that we didn't even take pictures. It was a whirlwind of shopping, movies, food, and big azz margaritas (of course). Before we came back here last night, PJ drove us up to Mt. Washington, which has absolutely the most beautiful view of the city. Unfortunately, none of us had cameras with us then, either, but the picture above should provide a pretty good idea of why we went.

The weekend got off to a good start on Friday, when my ring arrived (I think the emotion that would best describe my feelings when I saw the little robin's egg blue box would be "giddy." Yes, very, very giddy):

There was also some discussion about a group backpacking trip through Europe next summer...oh, my...

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2009-05-14T20:36:00.003-04:00

I can feel a shift in myself lately. It started at the beginning of April, when I participated in a panel discussion on qualitative research with three faculty members at the graduate colloquium. Three faculty members. Three PhDs...and me. I felt so completely out of my element and was absolutely positive that I would either: a) pass out; b) throw up; and/or c) begin speaking in jibberish (something akin to that scene in Bruce Almighty when Steve Carell starts babbling). But somehow, I made it through the presentation. I received a ton of compliments (my professors, the graduate dean [who also just happens to be my boss] and fellow students were all in attendance--no pressure...) and was told that, no, I did not sound like an idiot...I was actually very coherant and engaging. I felt like a million bucks when I was done. I walked out of the building that night feeling a kind of confidence that I haven't felt since doing theatre in high school. It's that kind of confidence when you know that you did okay. That you were even good at what you did, and that other people recognized you for it.

Me with Dr. Martha Ezzell, who pushed me to do the discussion panel

The next step came a couple of weeks later. PJ was gone for the weekend and I was bored, so I decided to finally try yoga. I knew absolutely nobody and had not taken a yoga class in eight years, but decided to get my butt off of the couch and just go.

Ten minutes after I got there, I wanted to die. No one warns you about hot yoga, which, if you haven't heard of it, is yoga practiced in a 95+ degree room. I literally thought to myself, this...this is where I am going to die. In a room filled with sweaty, bendy people.

But then when I left class, I felt AMAZING. My body was all stretched out, my mind was quieter, and I just felt more opened up. So I kept going. And now, I'm still trying to go at least once a week. It's a hobby that is mine, something that I am doing for myself and it feels sooo good.

It's been these types of changes, little and big, that are slowly beginning to build up and move me in a better direction with my life--conversations with faculty and classmates about letting myself not try to plan everything, deciding to begin an MBA program in the fall, allowing myself to splurge a little bit and buy a ring to celebrate my first Master's Degree (it arrives tomorrow!!!!)

So yes, there is a shift. It might be small, but it's there...I can feel it.

Confessions of a Think-aholic

2009-02-20T22:13:00.003-05:00

Having a little too much fun with PJ's iMac...

Sometimes, when I get ready to write on here, I feel like I know what I want to say. I sit down at my computer, get ready to type, and then all of a sudden...I draw a complete blank. What can I say that I haven't already said? It seems like I always write about the same things...being overwhelmed, feeling lonely, wanting to have hobbies that don't necessarily involve staying home...by myself...but at the same time, I find that these issues just keep resurfacing. I hope I'm not the only one who feels like this and I'm pretty sure that there must be other people in my life who feel like this, but good GOD, I wish I knew who they were. It's not something that I talk to other people about in any great depth--how could I? It's exhausting listening to myself think sometimes, so why on earth would anyone else want to hear it? In any case, though, I want to move past this version of myself. In order to do so, I think I need to be honest with the way that I feel at this point in my life:

Although I have lived in Pittsburgh for almost a year and a half, I am sometimes still dreadfully lonely. Homesickness comes and goes in waves, and I also wish I had more close friends down here.

I am jealous of my friends who have good jobs and are living very comfortably, who are married/engaged, and who seem to have their lives much more "together" than I do.

I wish I was as creative as I used to be. I wish I felt inspired to write stories, and songs, and to draw pictures and sing. I'm not sure where that part of me went, but I sure would like to find it.

I don't often feel very smart, which may seem odd, because I do very well in school. More often than not, though, I feel like maybe my professors have gotten slightly confused in their grading and I'm really just pulling a fast one on everybody.

I get really scared to try new things because I'm afraid I'll fail. Sometimes I wonder if I quit teaching because I didn't think I was smart enough to do it. Anything that I've ever quit has been something at which I thought I'd fail. I refused to even give myself the opportunity to do so.

Some days I think that I wish I could stop...thinking.

Ah. That's a heavy load to carry around with me, and it has been carried around for many, many miles and many, many years. Maybe it's ridiculous to write it online, but something about being able to look at these admissions helps me understand them a little bit better. They're usually just swimming around in my brain at all times and frankly, I need a break. My brain is tired, and so is my soul. I am so ready for new thoughts and a new, more peaceful, and more purposeful direction for my life.

Saturday Morning Sermon

2009-01-31T09:52:00.003-05:00

Megan and Katie, Bon Jovi concert
January 2006...or thereabouts

I can't believe how quickly time goes by as you start to get older. Growing up, it seemed like time passed so slowly. I remember being in first grade and thinking that the fifth graders were SO OLD and that there was no way I would ever get there. Now I've been out of college for a few years and am almost done with my Master's, which seemed like an impossibility not so long ago. It's nice to know, though, as I was reminded last night by my part-of-college and post-the-first-couple-of-years-of-college roommate (see above) that with some people, even though everything around you may change, you still retain those parts of you that made you become friends in the first place. It's tough to find those people that you really fit with--not just the ones you get along with and can have fun with, but the people who, when something funny happens, you just have to look at and they know exactly what you are thinking. The people who will rock out with you to sweet 80s tunes at 2 am and the people who will know when you just need to sit quietly with someone. I miss the closeness of those relationships so badly, and when I'm home or visiting friends, I try to gather as much of that as I can to take back here with me. As we all grow further into our own lives, though, it gets harder and harder to have those moments. It's always easy to blame it on the other party, too--they have their own lives now, they must not need me. But this all makes me think that this is the opportunity we all get to really figure out who is important to us. Maybe it's not all of the same people who were important to us in earlier parts of our lives; maybe those people were only meant to be our friends at the exact point that we needed them most. Maybe all of those people are still needed. I think it's different for each person, but I think we get to choose the friendships that are still (or newly) important to us in each stage of our lives and work to stay connected with those people.

And that's the end of my Saturday morning sermon.

On a much different note, tomorrow is the Superbowl and I'm so excited to be in Pittsburgh to cheer on the Steelers! In honor of the occasion, I have posted one of my favorite past Superbowl commercials for your enjoyment (for those of you who might be confused, it's the Budweiser commercial that is a play on the one from the year before, in which a bunch of guys called each other and just said, "WAZZZZUPPP?!?!"):

Resolute in My Lack of Resolutions

2009-01-03T16:54:00.006-05:00

Pretty snowfall
December 31, 2008

I love New Year's Eve. Not so much for the partying, although that's fun too, but for the excitement of a new year. Each year, I think, I can be different next year. I will be more confident, more successful, less anxious and less insecure. I will start new projects. I will finally learn how to play the guitar for real and I will finally start jogging. I will save my money so that I can travel and still somehow pay off my credit card like a good girl. I won't watch so much tv and I will banish this little belly that seems to expand every time I clean out a bread basket at a restaurant. I won't care what other people think about me and I won't take it personally when friendships begin to change. I will be happy.

And then comes January 1st. And once the champagne bubbles have worn off, I think, oh, dear. This year might just not turn out that way. Why do any of us put that kind of pressure on ourselves? It's just another day. January 1st is just another day. Why do I need a laundry list of resolutions that I will most likely not accomplish within the next 365 days because it's just too overwhelming?

So this year, on New Year's Eve, I tried to block the expectations that I typically let run rampant in my mind, and instead, decided just to enjoy it for what it was--a good excuse to spend some time with friends, have yummy food and champagne, and get a smooch from my handsome boyfriend at midnight. And it was a good night. We got dressed up and went over to Dana's and celebrated the night with a small group, then came home around 1, watched an episode of Flight of the Conchords, and fell asleep on the couch. No resolutions and no big expectations of magically turning into a new and improved version of myself.

And then on January 1st...I got up, watched some episodes of Melrose Place, made a big breakfast with pancakes and mimosas, and later, went out to lunch and had some beer and pierogies. I'm pretty sure there was a nap involved in there, too. No plans, no lists...just a nice relaxing day.

Now I'm not going to lie; the resolutions keep creeping into my mind and I keep trying to push the damn things back out. Saving money--okay, maybe not such a bad idea. Reinventing my body so that it looks like Jillian the Trainer on The Biggest Loser? Probably not going to happen. And so, after much thought and consideration, I have decided that the only thing I will commit myself to doing this year is to being a little bit kinder to myself. To taking things day by day, and trying to relax about life a little more. To paying attention to what I actually feel and want, rather than how I think I should feel, or look, or act.

To taking a cue from Bailey, and just doing the things that make me happy.

Bailey loving life
December 25, 2008

Long Time Gone

2008-11-20T18:31:00.007-05:00

It has been two and a half months since I've written. I seem to go through little spurts of not really feeling like writing on here for some reason. It has been a busy couple of months, though...

Buffalo Blues
September 14, 2008

Two of our friends from college came to visit in September. It was a fun weekend-- we went to Charlie Murdoch's on Saturday night, which, if you have never been to/heard of is a dueling piano bar. Yeah--dueling pianos. Enough said. On Sunday, we discovered that there is a bar in Pittsburgh where Buffalo Bills fans go to watch the games each week. The picture above was taken during the happy part of the season, before the Bills stopped winning games and started making me cry.

PJ & I at the diabetes walk
September 28, 2008

Step Out: Walk to Fight Diabetes was a HUGE success. I ended up collecting $1075 and was completely overwhelmed with the generosity of my friends and family, so again...thank you, thank you, thank you!

Greg, Me, Dwayne, and Shawn
October 4, 2008

The weekend after the diabetes walk (and after my birthday, which was somewhere in there and was quite spectacular this year, despite having grad class that night [Super Jen brought cupcakes to class, which completely made up for actually having class...]), we drove up to Rochester for Greg and Kate's wedding. The ceremony was beautiful and the reception was so much fun. It was great to see those guys-- it's very rare these days that I get to see them all at one time!

Jack and Obama O'Lantern
October 2008

We continued our tradition of carving pumpkins while watching "The Halloween Tree." PJ did a regular jack o'latern while I took the political route, carving my favorite big-eared, big-grin politician.

The gang, sans Scooby Doo

October 31, 2008

We actually dressed up for Halloween this year, which I haven't done since undergrad. We went out with our friends Evan and Dana, dressed up as the Scooby Doo gang, and yes, I was Velma. Unfortunately, I bear a striking resemblance to the dorky one. I'd like to think that I was a much hotter Velma than the one in the cartoon, although...none of the other girls at the club appeared to be wearing wool turtlenecks. Hmm...

And then, November 4th came. And we all know what happened...

Hooray!! What a great night that was. We had DVR'd the Saturday Night Live Election Special, so we kept flipping back and forth between that and the election results and when Wolf Blitzer did his 10-second countdown to 11 pm, when the final polls closed, I got goosebumps. I was still floating for the next week and even now, when I think about January, I get excited all over again.

And finally, we have gone to quite a few concerts in the past couple of months. Nothing big, but all people that we really like. We saw Joshua Radin (ladies, if you have not heard of him, you must click on this link immediately...be prepared to fall in love), who opened for Missy Higgins, which was absolutely the best concert I've been to in a long time. Then we saw Sonya Kitchell, backed by The Slip, which was also really good. Finally, we saw JJ Grey and Mofro, which, you guessed it--was also really good. Some guys from the North Mississippi Allstars, (but in a different band) opened for them. As you can see, we were all about the concerts this fall. Next Monday, we're going to see Ingrid Michaelson, and I'm soooo excited (PJ read the "hint" that I put in an earlier post and bought the tickets for my birthday).

Phew. Done.

My Own Story

2008-09-06T12:42:00.002-04:00

"I am torn in between reading everyone else's stories and making my own."
-Stefanie Renee

I ran today. Not far, not for very long, but I got off my butt and ran. Much like my other attempts at running, I found myself wondering why I was putting myself through the torture...burning lungs, itchy legs (thank you, asthma), lightheadedness...good times. I want SO BADLY to be good at running, though, not to mention that I have made the commitment to develop hobbies other than sitting on the couch and reading/watching tv/napping/all of the above. When I was younger, I had a million hobbies...I loved singing, and writing, and drawing...all things that I was good at. I may not have been the best, but I was good enough to like doing them. These days, it seems like by the time I'm done with work and school stuff, I have no energy to do anything. A lot of it, though, seems to do with anxiety. My anxiety levels have skyrocketed during the past year or so-- everything new feels scary to me. It feels like my body's anxiety levels have been tested and drained with all of the newness of the past year, and all of my reserves are gone. Maybe I needed that year to recover. Now I find myself at the point where I want to try some new things--nothing huge, nothing earth-shattering, but at least something that doesn't involve me sitting in my apartment. In a few hours, I'm heading over to the Animal Rescue League for volunteer orientation. That, I'm hoping, will become not only a new hobby, but something that will help me feel less sad about not being able to have a dog in my apartment (boo, apartments!) So, while the anxiety is still there, I'm trying really hard to push myself past it. And play with dogs.

***An update on the Step Out to Fight Diabetes walk: Currently at $800! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to everyone who has donated so far! I know we'll hit $1,000!***

Good Tunes

2008-08-23T17:46:00.002-04:00

Katie, Through the Looking Glass
August 23, 2008

When will I feel
all soft on the inside?
-Ingrid Michaelson, "Masochist"

I am currently in love with Ingrid Michaelson (PJ, too, but also Ingrid Michaelson). I downloaded her album "Girls and Boys" about a week ago, thanks to a suggestion on iTunes and I haven't stopped listening to it since. I was excited when I realized that the album included a song from an Old Navy commercial that I had really liked last winter, but had no idea who the singer was, and was far too lazy to find out (fyi: it's that song that went, "If you are chilly/here, take my sweater/[...] Cuz I love the way you call me baby/And you take me the way I am"). That's what I was SO excited to discover that she is coming to Pittsburgh on November 24th (PJ, if you are reading this, please note: BIRTHDAY GIFT IDEA). I highly recommend the album to any ladies (or gentlemen who are in touch with their feminine sides) to download her album, especially if you like folksy-pop kinds of music.

I fully intended to write more today, but I realized that I would MUCH rather make some chocolate chip cookies so that I can eat the dough. Peace out.

Party in the ROC

2008-08-08T21:59:00.003-04:00

Megan & Katie at Salinger's, August 1, 2008

We spent last weekend in Rochester. I haven't been up there for an extended period of time in quite a while, so I tried to pack as many of my Rochester favorites in as possible (most of which included food...). We went to Mex and I got my huuuuge platter of delicious Mexican food and some margaritas to polish it off and definitely didn't miss a stop at Abbott's for chocolate almond frozen custard (seriously...I could roll in that stuff. Mmm...). I finally got to spend some time with Megan, my college and post-college roommate. It was sort of odd to be in her new apartment-- one of the rooms has all of our old living room stuff, so it was almost like being in our old apartment. Kind of bizarre for me. We had a good time, though. I was lucky enough to get up there during Park Ave. Fest, an annual arts/crafts/food/music festival held in my old neighborhood. My big purchase was a necklace (see below) made of pewter (I think) and painted with enamel...totally neato burrito.

My Park Ave. Fest Purchase

On Sunday, we stopped in Orchard Park on our way back down here. I got to spend some time with my parents, my sister and my grandmas...all in all, a very nice weekend.

On a side note, I just have to say THANK YOU to all of my family and friends who have donated to my Step Out: Walk to Fight Diabetes campaign. You guys are the best!! I set an initial goal of $500, and in only a couple of weeks, I've already reached $575! This is a cause that is hugely important to me, so I'm very excited to boost up the goal a bit. The walk is on September 28th at The Pittsburgh Zoo; donations can be made here.

Mosaic of Me

2008-07-26T14:13:00.004-04:00

So I got this idea from one of my favorite blogs that I read all of the time. It's super easy to do. First, you answer the questions below, then search for each of your answers on Flickr. Choose your favorite photo from the first page of each of your searches and upload the URL to Mosaic Maker. You can make the mosaic as big or small as you want (For those who are counting-impaired, I used 3 columns and 4 rows).

Here are the questions, and the answers that I used to make my mosaic:
1. What is your first name?- Katie
2. What is your favorite food? - Guacamole
3. What high school did you go to? - West
4. What is your favorite color? - Pink
5. Who is your celebrity crush? - Eric Dane (a.k.a. McSteamy from Grey's)
6. What is your favorite drink? - Vino
7. What is your dream vacation? - Italy
8. What is your favorite dessert? - White Chocolate Raspberry Cheescake
9. What do you want to be when your grow up? -Director of a non-profit
10. What do you love most in life? - Laughing
11. What is one word that describes you? - Restless
12. What is your Flickr name? - Live Love Laugh (I used my blog name, since I'm not on Flickr)

...and voila! Something fun to do on a very lazy Saturday.

Photos brought to you by...
1. Katie in the Hot Park, Being Cool, 2. Sol del guacamole, 3. West on Dundas, 4. Pink Tulip Field, 5. eric-dane-sexy-05, 6. "VINO" Fuel Station, 7. Aurorus Reflectus Colosseo, 8. white chocolate raspberry swirl cheescake, 9. Feeding-the-Homeless, 10. Prepared for Takeoff!, 11. THE OLD BOG ROAD. KILKENNY, IRELAND., 12. If I lived under the sea sea sea......

A Girl with a Glitch

2008-07-20T12:46:00.004-04:00

This is what happiness looks like...
Outer Banks, July 2008

It has been almost 3 months since the last time that I wrote in here. I'm not sure exactly what was keeping me from writing, because I did think about it fairly often. Grad school was a bit brutal there towards the end...it felt like a endless stream of work (finished the year with a 4.0, though...woohoo!) My job was getting a bit taxing, too. If you have never served in an administrative assistant position, I want you to immediately find the admin closest to you and give her/him a big hug. It is so much work for so little pay. It is people piling work on you because they like to believe that you are only doing work for them, and not 14 other people. It is worrying about things when you go home at night, despite the fact that you shouldn't have to take those worries home with you. Many times, it is people being nice to you only because they want you to do more work for them.

Ok.

Before I wrote this post, I read some of my older ones, particularly the ones from last fall, when I first started as a temp in my office. I loved my job at that point. I was getting paid even less and I had very poor benefits, but I was just happy to have a job. I was even excited to go there.

This left me wondering what has changed between last fall and now. I'm actually a permanent hire now. I make (slightly...very slightly) more money and I have great benefits. I am actually putting away a bit of money in savings and in addition to the retirement plan at work, I opened a Roth IRA. For the first time in my life, I am actually saving for the future (a very novel idea). I have a job that I don't have to worry about losing. It fits very well into my grad school schedule. I get along very well with everyone in my office. So, not to sound very '90s about it...but what's my glitch?

My glitch. My glitch is...I continue to compare myself with everyone else I know. Anything I've accomplished or try to accomplish looks like a failure to me when viewed through the successes of my friends. It's a horrible thing to be jealous of your friends. I feel bad even thinking about it. It always seems, to me at least, that the people I love have things figured out, whereas I am the one who doesn't get it--"it" being pretty much anything. A good 3/4 of my closest friends from home and college are engaged/married. Some are buying homes, and some are getting ready to buy them. Some have jobs that pay really well. Some get to see their families pretty often. The ones who don't seem to have a huge group of friends to spend time with in their new hometowns. Try comparing yourself to all of that...it doesn't feel so great sometimes.

When we were in the Outer Banks a few weeks ago, I felt good. Really, really good. It took a couple of days for me to really relax, but when I did, wow. The tense feeling in my chest went away. I plowed my way through three books, did a little bit of shopping, watched movies, and laid on the beach all day, every day. It was the best break, and it was one that I had hoped would give me some time to look at my life (Some people go to the beach to relax. I, however, go to contemplate the meaning of my life. Anxiety, party of one?) And the meaning is...I still don't know. My job still stresses me out. I still fear that I am light years away from where I "should" be and where everyone else is. I still miss living in Upstate New York a lot and I still cry every time I say goodbye to my family after a visit. I have to believe, though, that all of this crap that I'm wading through (lovely mental image...you're welcome) is bringing me to a much better place. I believe that this is what your twenties are...or at least the first half of them. Figuring out who you are, what you want to do with your life, where you want to do it, and who the people are that you need to surround yourself with. So, I will go to work tomorrow. I will be thankful that I have a steady job with excellent dental. I will be proud of myself for doing so well in grad school and for following the path that I think I should be on. I will try, very, very hard, to remember that everyone around me probably doesn't have it all figured out.

Ah. That feels much better. Blogging really is good for the soul.

Good Mornings

2008-04-27T10:41:00.003-04:00

Quiet morning in Shadyside, April 27, 2008

And these days
I wish I was six again...
-John Mayer, "83"

It's one of those perfect kind of mornings today. The kind where it's still really quiet outside, except for the birds and a few passing cars and it's sunny, but still a little chilly. I love it. When I walked outside and smelled the air, for a split second I wanted to be a little kid again. I remember how on mornings like this, especially during the summer, I would pour my cereal and go sit on our front porch . I'd lean against one of the posts along the front wall of the porch and dangle my feet over either side, just watching the neighborhood wake up. Those were the best kinds of mornings.

So there you go. No deep thoughts today, just a little reminiscing. Hope everyone is enjoying their morning, too.

Two Years

2008-04-26T14:06:00.004-04:00

Katie & PJ, April 25, 2008

We celebrated our 2-year anniversary yesterday. I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful boyfriend (one who can still love me even after I accidentally kick him in the eye...long story...but you may notice the slight bruise in the picture above). A lot has happened over the past two years, but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm very happy with where we are right now. I have a best friend and a boyfriend all rolled into one...someone to make dinner with and play cards with and laugh with and just be with. I'm a lucky, lucky girl.

Anniversary dinner of chicken saltimbocca...yum yum

And we rounded out the evening with one last celebration before our friend Will heads off to Quantico...

Evan, Will, and PJ, April 25, 2008

Overwhelm

2008-04-20T10:51:00.002-04:00

The Joys of Graduate School, April 2008

The papers and the readings. The bills. The meetings. The workload. The car. The family.

I am in a state of overwhelm this month.

This isn't to say that none of this was expected (ok, maybe getting the car stuck in a parking garage for two days while PJ was out of town was not exactly "expected," per se, but other than that...). I didn't begin grad school because I thought it would be easy to fit into any schedule, especially a full-time work schedule, but WOW. This past month has left me feeling drained of energy. All I want to do when I get home is sleep, and on the weekends, I find myself yawning my way through plans. There are days at work when I just want to cry and some days at home when I do.

Some events of the past month have hurt me more than just physically. Some have left me feeling very self-conscious and even worse, some have left me feeling small. Things to which people say, "don't let that bother you," but I still do. For me, and for a lot of people, I think, when you spend so much time trying to juggle everything, it really feels bad when it's not appreciated. I wish I knew how to shut down that part of myself--the part that wants to fix everything, and to make everything nice and perfect for everyone. The part that wants people to say, "Why yes, Katie, you ARE the best at everything. Great job!" It's ridiculous when I think about it. Really, in the grand scheme of things, who cares? Will my life really be that much better if I get a perfect GPA in grad school? Noper. Will I feel satisfied if the party goes perfectly? No, probably not.

One good thing that the past month has brought me, though, is a renewed appreciation for the cheerleaders in my life...the people who tell me to stop being my own harshest critic. The people who are proud of me for the changes that I have made and the things that I am working to accomplish. The people who ask me if they can do anything to lessen my load.

I'm a lucky girl. A little bit tired, but very lucky.

And speaking of lucky girls (and guys), a big congratulations to two of my closest friends, Jillian and Chris, who got engaged on Friday!

Jillian & Chris, September 29, 2007

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T14:01:00.003-04:00

Surprise flowers that appeared in our yard, March 2008

Finally...spring is here (sort of). We've still had a few chilly days and a couple of snowflakes, but the sun is starting to peek out through the clouds a little more and the days don't feel so short. As I'm writing this, I'm wearing my favorite red flip-flops, listening to the new Jack Johnson album, and the sun is shining through our huge windows...a good day, if you ask me! I am missing Easter in Buffalo with my family, though (and all of Grandma Barb's yummy food), so PJ and I are going to make our own little Easter dinner tonight-- rosemary chicken, potatoes, squash, rice, and broccoli casserole. I'm hungry just thinking about it. Mmm...

I'm happy to report that I finally have a real job! No more temping, no more horrible benefits, no more unpaid sick days and vacation days! I'm going to be doing the same work with the County Council that I've been doing since I began as a temp in October, except they finally created a permanent position for me! I have to admit, after 2.5 years of floating around and trying to figure out what to do with my life, it felt really, really flattering to have so many people recognize how hard I've been working. It's only an office admin position, but I'm making so many great connections with this job (lots of executive directors of non-profits!), the schedule works out perfectly with my grad school schedule, and I'm working with a great bunch of people. I feel like I'm on the right path for my career...thank goodness!

It's been a busy couple of weeks around here. In addition to the new job, I finally went to a PYP event. It was a little scary for me to be around so many new people and not know anyone, but I ended up at a table with a couple of really nice women (a graphic designer, a teacher, and another admin assistant) who I had a lot of fun chatting with. I'm looking forward to going to another event soon.

Last weekend, we had a bunch of friends over for a game night (if you have not played Catch Phrase yet, you don't know what you're missing) on Friday and then on Saturday, the boys made an early breakfast (green eggs, green pancakes, and beer...delicious) and we took the bus downtown to Market Square to celebrate St. Patty's Day with every 20-something in Pittsburgh--

St. Patrick's Day Celebration, Market Square, March 15, 2008

And after the past couple of days, which have also been super busy, it's nice to finally have a lazy Sunday for naps and walks and food and movies...all of which I am about to do.

Happy Easter!

Excitement to the Max

2008-03-05T09:25:00.002-05:00

Katie & Megan, Carnaval, February 2006

Sao Paulo, Brazil

I am so, SO excited for the next couple of days. Tomorrow afternoon, PJ and I are driving up to Rochester to go see Bruce Springsteen (or rather, "The Boss"--whichever you prefer) with PJ's brother, Rob, and Rob's girlfriend Nikki. Originally, their uncle and his girlfriend were supposed to go, too, but something came up at the last minute, so instead, my long-lost friend Megan is going with us! I really couldn't be more excited. Megan and I lived together during our last year and a half of college and then moved to Rochester and lived together for another year and a half. Our busy lives have gotten in the way, though, and we haven't seen each other since just after I moved away last July. It seems crazy to me that it's already been longer than half a year-- I got so used to seeing her everyday and now we only talk once in a while. I still remember meeting her in college. We were "set up" by our mutual friend Rob, who knew that we were both looking for roommates and thought that our personalities would mesh well (ohhh, if only he had really known what he was getting himself into!) We clicked almost immediately, with our shared senses of humor and shared dislike of the whole sorority scene at our college. Now that we're living four and a half hours apart, we've managed to keep in touch through random messages, but haven't seen each other in what feels like forever and haven't really caught up on each other's lives in a while. Did I mention I'm excited for tomorrow?
I'm also excited because I'm going back to Corning on Friday, and at some point during the weekend, I'll get to see my friends Shawn and Dwayne to celebrate their 25th birthdays (happy birthday to both!) Oh, what a fun, old friend-filled few days it's going to be!
In other news, last Saturday night I went to Soldiers and Sailors memorial to hear one of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott, give a reading and a discussion. While I'm obviously not uber-Christian (as noted by my lack of church-going activities during the past couple of years), something in her writing really connects with me. The books that I have read (Traveling Mercies, Plan B, and Bird by Bird) discuss with issues that she has dealt with throughout her life-- alcoholism and drug abuse, being a single mother, trying to find a place in this world to fit in-- but she writes about all of it with such a funny sense of humor. Meeting her after reading her books for the past few years was awesome-- what a kind, intelligent woman. Plus I got her autograph on Traveling Mercies, which was pretty neat.
That's it for now...and don't forget, March 8 is International Women's Day. Go hug your mom, your sister, your grandma, your aunt, your best friend...you get the point :o)

The Familiar

2008-02-21T19:57:00.004-05:00

Charlie Beans and his toys, February 17, 2008

I've found myself falling into and out of a funk lately. Part of it, I think, is the weather. I like sunshine, I like snow, I even like rain (because everyone knows that there are few things more satisfying in this world than watching movies on a rainy day), but bitter, windy, freezing weather is one thing that I just don't like. Yuck. My grandmother might be on to something with the "Skip-the-Northeast-in-February-I'm-Going-to-Arizona" thing.

Part of my funkiness (and not the Rick James kind of funkiness, either) is due to a lack of seeing my family. I got to spend last weekend in Corning and I had a wonderful time. I cuddled with puppies, went to the movies with my sister, got lots of mommy hugs, visited some old friends from work, hung out with my brother, and even had time to eat lunch at En En with my parents (anyone from Corning knows of the pure deliciousness that is En En's Chinese Buffet...heaven). It felt so good to spend time with my family. Pittsburgh is 5 hours away-- the farthest distance I have ever lived away from home. For the love of Pete, I even miss Wegmans. Seriously, Giant Eagle is great and all, but nothing beats Weggies. But I digress. When I left Corning on Monday, I had that empty feeling in my chest, like the one you get when you break up with someone-- that hollow feeling that kind of hurts. I miss the familiar so much sometimes. I miss always knowing where I'm going when I'm driving, instead of having to Mapquest everything because there are approximately 72 bridges within a 1-mile radius of each other. I miss DRIVING at all and not taking public transit every day. I miss knowing that when my car breaks, my dad is always there to help. I miss seeing my mom when I want to. I miss wandering around on Market Street and I miss MY Barnes & Noble, where I have spent far too many hours of my life because I'm a book geek. I miss knowing that if I want to go out to dinner with someone, I can rely on two good choices-- Applebees and Olive Garden. I miss going to Doug and Gail's coffee shop. I miss knowing what to expect. Pittsburgh has been good to me, though-- it's just trying to find a compromise between all of the missing and all of the loving living here that's hard. But, as my dear friend Eddie Vedder sings,

"there's a sun around the bend."

PJ, Valentine's Day 2008

During some of my non-funkiness time, I had a great Valentine's Day. My sweet boyfriend made filet mignon for me, and as I am a girl who can put away her weight in steak, this was a FANTASTIC dinner choice. There were flowers and wine and a yummy dessert and he even bought "Across the Universe" for me, which I have been dying to see. All in all, a really great Valentine's Day. It was especially nice to get to spend the time together, since we've both been so busy lately and seem to have very opposing schedules.

And last, but not least...anyone who has seen our apartment has seen the giant greenhouse windows in our livingroom. When we first saw the apartment, we thought they were neat, something that set this apartment apart from the rest. However, we did not take into account our lack of funds at the time that we moved in, and as a result, we were forced to hang sheets, afghans, and wall hangings on the windows. But finally, FINALLY...right before Superbowl Sunday, we went to IKEA and we bought CURTAINS! This is typically not something that merits much excitement, but the fact that I can now use my purple afghan to cover myself with and not to prevent the neighbors from peeking into the apartment is a thing of beauty. Love it.

Our fun curtains!

Happy Fat Tuesday!

2008-02-05T09:14:00.000-05:00

Hola and happy Mardi Gras to anyone lucky enough to enjoy it. I'll be attending a County Council Meeting this evening, and I'm fairly certain there will be no New Orleans-style celebration.

We had a fun beginning to the week-- a bunch of friends came over to watch the Superbowl on Sunday. Lots of food and drinks, and a pretty excited crowd after the Giants won! Now I have to admit, my loyalties lie with the Buffalo Bills and the Indianapolis Colts, but it was pretty exciting to see New England get shut down. It was especially fun to watch it with a group this year. In the past, I have typically only watched it with my family or one or two friends, but it was a lot of fun to have our first party (finally!) in the not-so-new apartment.

In other news...in an effort to push myself out of my box a little more (and to prevent myself from becoming a hermit at the tender age of 24), I've joined Pittsburgh Young Professionals, a networking organization for--you guessed it-- young professionals in our area. There's a new members' social this week and I have to admit, I'm a little nervous. Based on no amount of reason whatsoever, I sometimes still have those, "But what if no one likes me?" fears that most people have on their first day of kindergarten. I tend to feel that way around larger groups of people, especially when I don't know anyone. I'm always afraid that I won't know what to do or say, or that I'll just end up looking like a dork. Joining PYP will be a big step for me, I think-- not something that I would normally do unless a friend was joining with me. Hopefully, it'll be worth it!

Speaking of stepping out of my box, I've also been working on dealing with anxiety in different ways (other than my typical, the-sky-is-falling method of all-out emotional breakdowns when something unexpected happens). I am very happy to report that during the past couple of weeks, I have been dealing with things VERY well, to the point where I don't even recognize myself sometimes. In the past two weeks, I have had the joy of dealing with the following:

*Realizing that in order for my car to brake, I needed to press my foot all the way to the floor
*Receiving a call from VISA Fraud Prevention Services informing me that there was a suspicious charge on my credit card to a German Internet phone company (and then subsequently having to cancel my credit card the morning after I dropped my car off to get fixed)
*Putting a dent in the side of my car. With a concrete pillar.
*Being informed that my insurance company has me listed with a January 1, 1980 birthday...oh, right-- as a MALE with a January 1, 1980 birthday

..and a few little tidbits that I won't bore anyone with.

It was not so long ago that any of the above would have sent me into a tailspin. I have been working REALLY hard on figuring out new ways to deal with anxiety, though, and it finally feels like I'm starting to get a handle on it. Instead of freaking out as each thing happened, I did the "So what?" test-- for example...

The Germans took my money. So what?
So now I'll have to cancel my credit card. So what?
So now I won't be able to use it to pay for my car to get fixed. So what?
So I'll either use my debit or ask to use someone else's credit card for the repair. I'll call the credit union to get a dispute form and a new credit card. So what?
So my car will get paid for, I'll get my money back, and I'll have a new credit card. Oh.

And just like that-- crisis averted. Sweetness. Now I can even drive my car to Corning next weekend (dent and all) to visit my family, which I am SUPER excited about, because I haven't seen them since Christmas. And really, who wouldn't miss these faces--

The Boys, February 3, 2008

Beginnings

2008-01-17T20:56:00.001-05:00

The Beginnings of a Drawing, Jan. 2008

Adding to my list...drawing more often. I used to draw all of the time, up through college, but after that, it kind of seemed to fall by the wayside. The drawing above (or at least what's there so far) is from one of my favorite pictures. It's a photo that a friend took at a wedding last summer while PJ and I were slow dancing. I remember that song specifically because as much as I enjoy putting on my dancing shoes, PJ does not. When that song (Norah Jones, "Come Away With Me") came on, though, he asked me to dance. This was huge, and thus, why I was very excited that Amanda captured a picture of it.

The past couple of weeks have given me a lot of time to think. PJ is in Virginia for 2.5 weeks of training and I have to say, the novelty of a quiet apartment seems to have worn off. At first I thought, "Ooh, I can do chick things" (in my world, this means sweatpants, Chinese food, and purchasing Hairspray On Demand). But then, it started to get a little boring...no one to talk to in the morning, no one to watch Jeopardy with at night and yell out the answers while simultaneously trying to pretend that each person isn't trying to look smarter than the other, and any of the other little things that I wouldn't even pay attention to if he was here. I think that not having someone around makes you appreciate them more. It's all of those little things that I've really missed during the past couple of weeks. I think that when you are with someone 24/7, you start to lose sight of all of the things that you love about that person, because you aren't even giving yourself a chance to miss them. If anything, these 2.5 weeks apart have made me realize how important it is for us to each have our own lives outside of our relationship. It's a concept that seems so obvious, but when you move in together, especially in a city that is new to both of you, it can be a hard one to remember. So, besides drawing more often, I am adding another item to the list-- make some Pittsburgh girl friends.

And speaking of friends, I had a super fun time last weekend with a few high school friends. I drove down to Virginia and stayed at Chris and Jillian's new apartment in Winchester, VA. PJ drove out for the night and Stephanie and Justin (and their ADORABLE dog Tucker) came out from Alexandria. It was a lot of eating, beveraging (is that a word? probably not) and game-playing--all very fun. We've all been so spread out over the past couple of years, so I'm excited that we're all within a reasonable driving distance of each other now. Hopefully we'll have more regular reunions :o)

I can't end this post without adding this video. Jillian introduced it to me last weekend and while completely inappropriate, it's also completely hilarious, so enjoy...infidels.

Buckets and Beyondo

2008-01-05T12:09:00.000-05:00

The beginning of the year always makes me think about the big lists...the Mondo Beyondo/Bucket/To Do Before I Die-type lists. I used to make lists like these all of the time and I even got to check a few things off-- I got a tattoo, I saw Maya Angelou speak, and I traveled to Brazil and England. As I get older, though, I don't seem to think about this stuff as much anymore. So in honor of 2008, this is the beginning of my new to do list:

*Backpack through Europe: I did get to go to London last year, but I would love to be one of those people who is brave enough to go overseas with only a backpack of belongings. London was amazing, and I'd really like to see more of Europe.

*Try surfing: Just try it. I don't have to like it. I don't even have to be good at it. I want to try, though.

*Try snowboarding: Please see "try surfing" for details.

*Go to a live taping of Oprah: And subsequently become best friends with her. No? Okay, I'll just go for the show.

*Swim with dolphins: Sounds like something that someone would put in their profile for an online dating site, but I really just think that it would be neat.

*Become a runner: I don't know what it is about runners, but I really want to be one. I just need to get past that whole "I sound like an 80-year-old lifelong smoker when I try to run" thing.

*Start a nonprofit organization: This is a big, BIG one for me. I don't even know what it'll be yet, but I know that I'll do it.

*Find an outlet for singing other than my shower: I used to sing all of the time in high school, but now I only sing at home, out of complete stage fright. Honestly though, if Sarah McLachlan ever wants someone to go on tour with her, I'm so in.

*See Pearl Jam in concert: This is the only concert left that I am dying to see, unless you count NKOTB, but I don't forsee a reunion tour anytime soon.

more to be added on soon, I'm sure...

A few more little tidbits-- I mentioned in my last post that my New Years resolution is to be less anxious and more relaxed. On Thursday, I was at a doctor's appointment, and while I was waiting to go in, I read an article written by a women with anxiety problems. She was discussing some of the things that her doctor had told her in therapy and one quote really stuck with me--"If you are always in the present, there can be no anxiety. Anxious thoughts are fantasies about what might happen in the future." It's such a simple thought, but also one that struck a chord with me. I have a lot of trouble staying in the present--I'm a born worrier. I think it would be so helpful for me, though, to find something to do to keep me in the present when I start to feel anxious. This woman's doctor recommended something to hold on to-- kind of like one of those little worry stones that gift shops sell. Something to think about...

And now, back to my lazy Saturday. We're going to see Juno in a bit, and then it's off to cheer on the Steelers in the Wild Card game with PJ's uncle and cousin.

I leave you with a few favorites from the 2007 Ugly Christmas Sweater Party...

Jillian, Stephanie, and Katie, December 22, 2007

Jesse, Justin, and PJ, December 22, 2007

(Yeah, my man wears suspenders. AND turquoise.)

Family Photo, December 22, 2007

Hope*Full

2007-12-30T19:31:00.000-05:00

The Latest Addition to the Miller Brood*, December 23, 2007

A complete whirlwind-- that's the only way to describe the past two weeks. We had a very hectic Christmas-- Corning on Friday and Saturday, Orchard Park on Sunday and Monday morning, Rochester on Monday and Tuesday (Christmas), then back up to Orchard Park so that I could meet my sister and we could drive back down here. I ended up having a much more difficult time with the busy schedule than I thought I would-- I felt like I didn't get to see anyone enough, but at the same time, I saw just about everyone I had hoped to see. It was really hard not to wake up on Christmas morning at my parents' house. That was a first for me. Even though we never really had big plans, I have always spent Christmas day with my family. PJ's family was wonderful-- we had a lot of fun opening presents and had a very yummy dinner, but I kept forgetting that it was Christmas, just because the change felt so foreign to me. So, yes, I'll admit it:

I'm 24 years old and I really missed my mommy and daddy this Christmas.

Sarah came back down to Pittsburgh and stayed for a few days, though (PJ had to work in Rochester for the rest of the week), so it was fun to spend some time with her doing girl stuff--shopping, chick flick, dinner dates, watching "Gilmore Girls"...basically every non-boy thing we could think of. PJ came back down on Friday with his brother, Rob, and Rob's girlfriend Nikki, which made for a super fun weekend. We went and saw this exhibit at the Carnegie Science Center, did some more shopping, hit a few bars, and met their Pittsburgh-area family members for brunch today. The fun continues tomorrow with a trip to Buffalo to spend New Years Eve with our friend Jon, which I'm sure will be entertaining, to say the least.

New Years...I really can't believe that it's here already. I know that people always say that, but seriously...where did 2007 go? This year has turned out so amazingly different than I thought it would be. Some very good things and some very bad things happened this year. Some things that I knew would happen and some completely unexpected surprises. I'm still kind of in shock as to where I am in my life right now (both in terms of actual location and career/school/life-wise). At the beginning of this year, this is not at all what I had expected. I have to say though, for the first time in my life, I am truly proud of some of the decisions that I have made. I could have taken the easy way out and continued teaching, kept going through with the grad program that I had started in, and kept living my life where I was comfortable. I knew that it wasn't right for me though, and so I (WARNING: cliche forthcoming) followed my heart. I'm in the right grad program now and I'm so much happier at my job.

For 2008, I'm not entirely sure what to hope for, since things seem to turn out quite differently than what I expect. I think that as a resolution, I would like to try to be less anxious about everything. I want to let things happen and not try to control everything. I am so full of hope that I'll continue to figure things out for myself and where I want my life to go. So that's my resolution (or non-resolution)-- to let go.

Happy New Year to all :o) I hope that 2008 is everything you want it to be...
and a little bit more.

Charlie* & Katie, December 23, 2007

*The very adorable gentleman in these pictures is Charlie Miller (also known as Chuck, Charles, and One Who Relieved Himself on Grandma's Carpet and Thus Nearly Lost His Life). Mom and Dad decided to add him to the zoo that is their home and I had a VERY difficult time not hiding him in my suitcase when I left.

Great Expectations

2007-11-30T20:20:00.003-05:00

The Miller Zoo, November 2007

I had a conversation with someone yesterday about expectations and how the things that we expect from ourselves are sometimes so much greater and harder and more unrealistic than they need to be. I look around me and see friends with great jobs, who seem happy with the life that they've created, and I still feel so unsure about mine. And instead of really stopping to take stock of how I feel at any given minute, I push it down and down until I have days when I can't figure out why I feel sad. The truth is, moving to a new place is lonely. Even when you have someone with you, it can still feel lonely. I miss having someone to act girly with. I miss being able to drive home almost any weekend that I wanted to, instead of just seeing my family on holidays. I want to have a real, permanent job, not a temp job. I want to have a real paycheck and I want to feel confident about the choices that I've made. I'm just not there yet. I think that I'm starting to recognize that I need to deal with these feelings, though, and not just stuff them down, like I want to. I need to have expectations for me, not expectations that are dependent on what everyone else is doing.

Speaking of expectations, Thanksgiving wasn't quite what I expected it to be. We had a very scary couple of weeks leading up to the holiday, when my aunt ended up in the hospital (she's out and getting better now, thankfully). I had a bad cold and ended up stuck in my parents' house for most of the weekend and didn't see many friendly faces while I was home. It did feel good, though, to visit with my family...and of course, to cuddle with the dogs. I did end up getting to see the extended family on Sunday-- I went up to Buffalo before PJ and I came back down to Pittsburgh. A quiet weekend, but still a good one.

Our Christmas Tree!

And now, on to Christmas! I was fully into the swing of things as soon as we got home from Buffalo. Our little Charlie Brown-like Christmas tree is decorated and lit and most of the other decorations are up. I love, LOVE Christmas season. Christmas music, trees, lights, hot chocolate, candy canes, snowflakes, buying secret gifts, cards, parties...what's not to love? It makes each day feel a little bit happier.

One more little tidbit. The other day, I stumbled upon a video that made for many hours of laughter during my undergraduate career--

Terry Tate, Office Linebacker

Home is Everywhere

2007-11-10T09:15:00.001-05:00

Katie & PJ, Chris & Lizzie's wedding, August 2007

As we have discovered, no one tells you how hard it is to move in together. The little things and the big things seem so much more magnified when you see each other all of the time. Although logically I knew that our relationship would go through some changes when we moved in together, I never really thought about what those changes would be. I think the biggest one has been trying to get used to communicating with another person. I've always felt fairly independent, but still always had my friends and family around when I needed them. When you move in with a significant other, it's so much different. We've been learning how important it is for us to communicate with each other all of the time, even when it's a small issue, or even when it's uncomfortable, or when we don't want to. This has not been an easy change for me-- I'll take silence over disagreement any day (as unhealthy as I know that is), just to avoid a conflict. We're getting better at it, though. I almost feel like this was the last step that I needed for this place to feel like a home. I needed to feel like we were in this one together.

Reilly posing for the camera, 2007

Ahh, the other home. I'm SO excited to go back to New York for Thanksgiving. We're going to Corning on Thursday to visit with my family, Rochester on Friday to visit with PJ's family, and then I'm going back to Corning and PJ is staying in Rochester for the rest of the weekend. I can't wait to go eat good food and watch movies and talk with my family. I can't wait to play and cuddle with my dogs (with four dogs, it is most certainly bound to be a cuddlefest). I can't wait to hopefully spend time with Grandma, and Aunt Beth, and John. I can't wait to laugh with my friends. I haven't been home to Corning in over two months--it feels like forever. I did get to spend my birthday weekend with my friends, but I'm still so excited to see them again, since it only happens a couple of times each year. I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait.

Happy Almost-Halloween!

2007-10-28T21:29:00.000-04:00

Frank & Jack, October 2007

It's almost Halloween, and with that, the first month in our new apartment is coming to an end. It seems crazy that it's gone this fast. Pittsburgh is finally starting to feel a little more like home, too, instead of a long-term visit. I realized today, when I walked into our apartment after getting groceries, that it smells like our apartment now, not how it smelled when we moved in. We're getting much more comfortable with our place, and I'm almost to the point where I don't still feel like I'm a visitor in someone else's space. Today felt even more home-like-- we've started carving pumpkins each year for Halloween, and this year, we watched PJ's favorite Halloween movie from when he was younger, The Halloween Tree. Last year, he really wanted to watch it, so I looked everywhere for it, but couldn't find it until Christmas. This year, we finally got to watch it while we carved our pumpkins-- it was neat to start a little tradition of our own.

This past week has been busy, busy, busy. Sunday started off with a trip to Orchard Park to watch the Buffalo Bills game with my sister, a couple of her friends, PJ, and our friend Brian. The game was a blast (especially since Buffalo won!) and it was great to see my sister, my grandma, and my long-lost friend Jeff (a.k.a. Goober) from college. Here are a couple of pre-game shots:

Sara, Katie, and Sarah, October 21, 2007

Brian & PJ, showing the love, October 21, 2007

Katie & Goober, October 21, 2007

PJ and I also received some free tickets to the Pitt game, so it was quite the football-filled weekend.

The craziness of the past week has also been due to my new job! It's only a temporary position through mid-January (I'm taking over for a woman who's on maternity leave), but I already love it. I'm working with the Allegheny County Council office-- most of my job is writing proclamations, but I also get to research and draft bills and amendments and do various other office-related work. I get to work really closely with the Council members, though, which has been great so far. It's interesting to see how the government works. I'm slightly ashamed to say that I'd never really thought about it before, but now I get to see a lot of the behind-the-scenes work. Everyone in the office was so helpful during my first week, too. It's almost odd to feel excited to go to work tomorrow. I've never had that experience before. Usually on Sunday nights, I'm dreading going to bed, because I know that I'll have to wake up for work. I think that a part of me is so grateful to finally have something after being without a steady job for a few months, but the other part of me is grateful to myself for realizing that teaching wasn't right for me, and for trying to find a different path that would make me happy. I truly believe that I'm on that path now. I love my degree program, I love my job, and I'm on my way to loving where I live.

Totally Octobular!

2007-10-16T18:33:00.000-04:00

Odd little nighttime picture from our yard, October 2007

We're finally all moved in and settled into our new apartment. The moving process was a little bit hectic, as we concocted the genius plan of moving during the same weekend as Stephanie & Justin's wedding and my birthday (note to self: please do not do that again, if you value any kind of sleep). The Merging of Things has gone pretty well, although I'm not entirely sure that PJ appreciates the collection of angel figurines in the guest room. In fact, I'm almost positive that he's not a fan, as noted by the, "Oh, God...what are those...," mumbled under his breath while I was unpacking. Other than the minor decorating differences, the apartment is starting to look quite home-y, which is huge for me, after months of feeling like I didn't have a place to call my own. The only big thing that we have left to do is cover our windows. If you look in the picture above, blurry as it may be, on the bottom left you'll see our greenhouse windows. When we first saw this apartment, I thought, "Oh neat! Greenhouse windows! I must have this apartment with the cool windows!" Now that sentiment has morphed into something more like, "Oh neat! The neighbors can all look into our apartment! Hi, neighbor!"...which, in case you were wondering, is actually NOT that neat. So we're working on that one, and using some classy blankets and sheets as our curtains in the meantime. We have a yard, though, a real, fenced-in, little yard of our own! I like having that little bit of extra space and I can't wait for next summer, so that we can grill out there.

The lack of a job has had me out exploring the city lately. I love love love our neighborhood (there's a Gap and a Williams-Sonoma and a Sephora within walking distance...what more could I ask for? I'm especially glad that we moved here when we did-- even though we've had some warm days lately, I can feel the sweater weather coming and all of the leaves are changing colors and falling. It smells like autumn. It's my absolute favorite time of year and I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to get out and enjoy it before I start working again. Here are a couple more Pittsburgh favorites (and yes, one of those links is to a library, but you have to see this place-- the architecture is fantastic...plus they have a coffee shop inside).

I didn't want to end this entry without saying congratulations to Justin & Stephanie (the lovely Miss Stephanie, who kindly asked me to update my blog so that she could continue to stalk me). They were married on my birthday this year, and I was more than delighted to share the day with them!

Justin & Stephanie Larson, September 29, 2007

Congratulations!

Weekend With My Man

2007-09-11T11:14:00.000-04:00

Outer Banks, NC, July 2007

Oh, how I miss this face. PJ came down to Pittsburgh for the weekend so that we could look at apartments (and we actually found one that we liked!) and of course, to spend some quality time with his lovely girlfriend. It was a good weekend-- Goodwill Glam party with the roommates, nights out with friends, a lazy Sunday watching the Steelers' game...all very fun. It was hard to say goodbye yesterday, though. There were some tears involved (on my part, clearly). I think that once you get so used to seeing someone almost every day (like we did when we both lived in Rochester), it makes the transition to seeing each other once a week at the most really difficult. I'm so excited and so ready for it to be October. I'm ready to be living in my own apartment again, ready for a steady job again, ready to feel settled again.

On another note, the new season of Oprah began yesterday, which definitely made my day a little better!

I'm a Yinzer!

2007-09-07T11:15:00.000-04:00

I am bound and determined to post more than once this month, so I thought I'd start early, rather than waiting until the last week of September.

I'm finally in Pittsburgh! I'm temporarily living with one of the girls in my grad class while PJ and I look for an apartment. It feels good to finally be down here. It felt so hectic driving back and forth between Horseheads and Pittsburgh (and Buffalo and Rochester and...) for the past month, so I'm glad to be semi-settled in one area now. Shadyside is a really cute area; it actually reminds me a lot of the Park Ave. area in Rochester and I think that's making the transition a little easier. I've never lived this far away from home before (nor have I ever lived with people who I've known for less than a month), so I'm definitely being pushed out of my comfort zone a bit, which is good for me. I tend to get a little hermit-ish sometimes, figuring that it would just be easier to stay in. I get comfortable in a place (that goes for where I'm living and working, too) and I shy away from any sort of change at times. This whole process of leaving teaching and embarking on a new career path, moving to a new city in a new state, and moving in with PJ has been pretty stressful, but pretty exciting, too.

Some Shadyside favorites:
Crazy Mocha Coffee Company
Shady Grove Restaurant & Bar

And there are tons more that I can't wait to try. Did I mention that I'm excited to be here?

A One-Woman Circus

2007-08-28T11:17:00.000-04:00

Apparently I'm not so good at the whole "posting more than once a month" thing, but that seems to fall in with the common thread of this summer. It's been a serious test of endurance and I always feel like I'm one step behind where I need to be. It's hard to complain sometimes, because between all of the friends' weddings-related activities, the welcome home parties, the party parties and the family get-togethers, I feel like I've gotten to see all of my loved ones more than I've had an opportunity to over the past couple of years. Still, between all of that and moving back home, trying to coordinate a move to Pittsburgh, trying to find a new job, and starting a Master's program (all while trying to squeeze a little money out of my minimum-wage jobs...), I'm left feeling just slightly depleted of any sort of life force.

I noticed the other day that one of my main stress-related problems might be my natural inclination to multi-task. I even do it when I'm not trying-- I'll be in bed, or in the shower, and I have 8 million things running through my head that I need to get done. Then I inevitably end up in a mini-frenzy, trying to do them all at once. It really hit me the other day just how much this approach is affecting me. The smallest things set me off now and reduce me to a puddle, and really, who wants to be like that? I decided that I need to start consciously reminding myself to slow down and only do one thing at a time, as much as possible. It's actually been working pretty well during the past couple of days. When I find myself starting to get overwhelmed, I just think about one thing on my list of things to do and I concentrate on getting that done. It's harder than I thought it would be; my mind keeps wanting to wander on to the next thing, but I force it back.

And now that I've finally updated the blog, it's on to the next thing. Not the next five...just one.

The First One

2007-07-31T11:40:00.000-04:00

I have no idea how to start a blog. This is my first one, the inspiration for which I got from my mild obsession with reading the blogs of people that I've never met. All of their lives sound significantly more interesting than mine, which is why I think I like to read them. However, the idea that I'm putting something out there that will remain for many years to come is kind of neat. The last time that I participated in any web-changing experience was in 9th grade, when my friend Kristy and I decided to create a webpage devoted to Ben Affleck (which, if anyone is interested, can be located here).

So. In order to get this first blog out of the way, I'm going to end it with a quote that I think best fits my life right now. The real writing can come later.

"For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin-- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. Happiness is a journey, not a destination..."
- Souza