Resolute in My Lack of Resolutions

Pretty snowfall
December 31, 2008

I love New Year's Eve. Not so much for the partying, although that's fun too, but for the excitement of a new year. Each year, I think, I can be different next year. I will be more confident, more successful, less anxious and less insecure. I will start new projects. I will finally learn how to play the guitar for real and I will finally start jogging. I will save my money so that I can travel and still somehow pay off my credit card like a good girl. I won't watch so much tv and I will banish this little belly that seems to expand every time I clean out a bread basket at a restaurant. I won't care what other people think about me and I won't take it personally when friendships begin to change. I will be happy.

And then comes January 1st. And once the champagne bubbles have worn off, I think, oh, dear. This year might just not turn out that way. Why do any of us put that kind of pressure on ourselves? It's just another day. January 1st is just another day. Why do I need a laundry list of resolutions that I will most likely not accomplish within the next 365 days because it's just too overwhelming?

So this year, on New Year's Eve, I tried to block the expectations that I typically let run rampant in my mind, and instead, decided just to enjoy it for what it was--a good excuse to spend some time with friends, have yummy food and champagne, and get a smooch from my handsome boyfriend at midnight. And it was a good night. We got dressed up and went over to Dana's and celebrated the night with a small group, then came home around 1, watched an episode of Flight of the Conchords, and fell asleep on the couch. No resolutions and no big expectations of magically turning into a new and improved version of myself.

And then on January 1st...I got up, watched some episodes of Melrose Place, made a big breakfast with pancakes and mimosas, and later, went out to lunch and had some beer and pierogies. I'm pretty sure there was a nap involved in there, too. No plans, no lists...just a nice relaxing day.

Now I'm not going to lie; the resolutions keep creeping into my mind and I keep trying to push the damn things back out. Saving money--okay, maybe not such a bad idea. Reinventing my body so that it looks like Jillian the Trainer on The Biggest Loser? Probably not going to happen. And so, after much thought and consideration, I have decided that the only thing I will commit myself to doing this year is to being a little bit kinder to myself. To taking things day by day, and trying to relax about life a little more. To paying attention to what I actually feel and want, rather than how I think I should feel, or look, or act.

To taking a cue from Bailey, and just doing the things that make me happy.

Bailey loving life
December 25, 2008