2009 in Review

The end of 2009 has been a complete whirlwind...I'm not even sure where December went! To pick up where I left off, on November 23rd, we got engaged (see blurry picture of ring below)! It was very sweet (and very "us"...rather than just being easy and accepting his offer of a glass of wine (which actually turned out to be a bottle of champagne that he was trying to quietly open before the proposal), this is how the beginning of the conversation went:

PJ, from the kitchen: "Do you want anything to drink?"

Me, from our bedroom, where I was busy putting his sweatpants on, not knowing that this might not be the best night to look like a hobo: "Yeah, just a beer"

PJ: "Um...are you sure you don't want wine? I don't think we have any cold beer."

Me: "Ughhh...just put ice in it!"

Classy.

But in any case, he still decided to propose and I couldn't be happier about it. We've chosen October 8, 2011 as our tentative date...that way we'll have plenty of time to save up and have a really fun, beautiful night!



December was full of getting ready for the holidays...I wrapped up the first semester of my MBA (4.0!) mid-month and had a lot going on at work and PJ was pretty busy with work as well, but we still made some time to make cookies (of course). Unfortunately, I can't put pictures up of the ones that PJ made (other than the tree below) without a censor bar. Those poor snowmen. Very tasty, though.


We had a very holiday-ish night right before we left to go to New York--"It's A Wonderful Life" was playing for free at the old movie theater down the street from us, so we went and watched that and as soon as we walked out of the theater, it had started snowing. The neighborhood looked so beautiful--just like Christmas. Then we went home and opened our gifts to each other before heading off to New York for a week. It was a week full of family, friends, good food, good drinks, and horribly ugly Christmas sweaters.


And so, here we are in the last few hours of 2009. For the most part, I'm very happy with how this year went--I got my first Master's degree, ran my first 5K, got a dog, saw Pearl Jam, did a better job saving my money, got engaged, finally moved into a decent apartment...it's been a pretty good year! I don't think that I'll make any official resolutions for 2010, since they rarely stick, but I do want to put this out into the universe--

I want 2010 to be a positive year. I want to spend more time having fun, and less time worrying. I want to spend more time with my friends and family, especially those who live far away. I want to be more careful with how I treat myself and those I love.

I want 2010 to be a

really

great

year.




I wish everyone a wonderful, peaceful New Year!

The New 70

Grandma Barb

Isn't she beautiful? This is my grandmother, who will turn 70 tomorrow (I can only hope to look this good when I turn 70!) We had a surprise birthday lunch for her in Buffalo on Sunday, and it was well worth the 3.5 hour drive back and forth! The look on her face when she walked into the restaurant was priceless...rarely have I seen my grandmother even tear up, but she looked completely overjoyed.

And so, in honor of her birthday, here are 5 of my favorite things about Grandma Barb:

5. She is an amazing artist...how many people get hand-drawn birthday cards from their grandma?

4. She knit an entire afghan for me and has enough patience to have tried to teach me to knit several times. However, her attempts were futile as I can't even knit one row without dropping a stitch and angrily ripping the entire thing apart.

3. Although she has a dishwasher, she refuses to leave any dishes dirty for longer than 30 seconds. The dishwasher is only used as extra storage space (which I'm sure she would really appreciate me telling people).

2. She loves to take pictures, but is very concerned about the lighting aspect of the picture, so, for instance, if you are sitting in a chair and reading a book, she will jump up, grab her camera, and say, "hold it!"..."wait, tip your head a little to the left...no, to the right now...look up a little...stop laughing, you're ruining the picture!"

1. No one else makes the song, "You Are My Sunshine" sound quite as beautiful. Also, no one else makes me harmonize on this song, regardless of where we are standing at the time. In the middle of the mall? Let's harmonize!

Happy birthday, Grandma! I love you!

The fam, after the birthday lunch

Beaner

Jillian and I, posing before our Senior Prom

June 2001

Some days, it is so, so good to have a friend who just "gets" you.

Pearl Jam!

Finally.

Last Friday night, I FINALLY got to go see Pearl Jam. I have been waiting for years to see them in concert, and for one reason or another, just haven't been able to go. But this year...ohhh, this year was different. I finally got to see them in concert with my friends Steph, Justin, and Gabe in Philly and the concert was SO AMAZING.

The setlist included some of my favorites, like "In My Tree," "Light Years," "Breath," and "Given to Fly"...some awesome new ones, like "The Fixer" and "Just Breathe," and some oldies but goodies, like "Jeremy" and "Alive."

There were so many points at which I, a) got teared up, b) grabbed my face in a Kevin McAllister/Home Alone-style "AHHHH!!!", or c) did all of the above, while simultaneously praying that by some stroke of luck, the concert would never end. I remember that at one point, while they were playing "Jeremy," I just stood there in shock. That was the first Pearl Jam song that I ever learned, the first one of their videos that I ever saw, and I was watching them play it live.

Great, great night. I'm so thankful that I got to go!

And even though they didn't play it, I leave you with some lines from my favorite song off their new album:

once outside the undertow
just you and me and nothing more
if not for love I would be drowning
I've seen it work both ways but I am up

riding high amongst the waves
I can feel like I
have a soul that has been saved
I can feel like I've
put away my early grave

gotta say it now
better loud
than too late
~

Pearl Jam, *Amongst the Waves*

Football and Politics...an Unlikely Combo

Tailgating at our first Steelers game!

October 25, 2009

I just had such a fun weekend...on Friday, we went to our friends' pumpkin party, on Saturday, I went for a run in the beautiful weather with Oliver and we went to The Sharp Edge for appetizers and drinks with some new Pittsburghers, and yesterday, we went to our very first Steelers game!


The game was AWESOME...huge win over the Vikings, although I do have to say, it was really exciting to see Brett Favre throw passes in real life! PJ was invited by our friend Brian, and I was invited by our friend Dana, so we sat separately at the game. Dana's dad has season tickets for the club section, so my seat was amazing. About halfway into the first quarter, we noticed someone very familiar sitting two rows in front of us...

John Kerry (who was there with his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry)! It was so neat to see someone who I actually voted for in a Presidential election!

My weekend ended with a phone call from my long-lost college and post-college roommate, Megan, who I haven't seen since August 2008...I can't believe it's been that long! It was so good to catch up with her, and we made plans to go to the November 29th Buffalo Bills game...I can't wait!

And finally, I am counting down the days until I see Pearl Jam...only 4 left!

Home is Where Your Mom Is (and Dad, too)

A BEAUTIFUL tree discovered in our little neighborhood while taking Oliver for a walk

October 19, 2009

I drove up to Corning this past weekend to visit my parents, after realizing that I finally had a weekend with no obligations and no big homework assignments due this week.

I didn't even do anything particularly exciting...met my brother, my parents, and some of their friends out for dinner, drinks, and bar music on Friday, then went to the house and snuggled with the dogs...ran some errands with Mom on Saturday (including coffee from Heavenly Cup, of course), made dinner for the family, did laundry, and watched "You've Got Mail" with my parents...went to the bakery with my mom and relaxed on Sunday before the drive back to Pittsburgh.

It was the best weekend I've had in a long time. I haven't felt that relaxed in months. There has been too much going on and even during the times that I have been sitting down, my mind has still been going a million miles a minute with lists of things to do. But there is something about being home (not as much at the holidays, because those are busy times at home, too) that is just so comforting, no matter how old you are. You can temporarily abdicate your position as a full-fledged adult and just relax, knowing that someone else will take care of you for a day or two. I really miss that feeling sometimes.

Thank you for apples.

Today, I have been having a crazy busy AND bad karma day all rolled into one...backed my car into a wall (no damage...phew) and broke the copier within an hour of getting to work...all in the midst of trying to get piles of work done.

And then I remembered...I brought an apple to work today.

Before I begin (or continue) to sound like a huge weirdo, I just have to say, in no unequivocal terms, that I. Love. Fall. Sweaters, hot chocolate, cider, apples, sweatpants and a good movie, football, birthday, school supplies, boots, pumpkins, the colors of the leaves...I love them all. I think that it comes from growing up in Upstate New York, where fall is an event--it is really the most beautiful time of year.

So when I realized that I brought an apple to work today, it totally kicked the piles of work and the bad karma into a corner. Thank you for apples.

Little Reminders

For the past week, the universe has been sending me reminders to take care of myself. Sometimes, I think we find ourselves so busy juggling everthing--work, school, relationships, and all of the day-to-day goodies like cleaning and errands, that we forget to take a break and just be. Last week, I received all kinds of giftcards for my birthday and the first thing I thought was, "Great! Now I have money to buy Christmas presents!"

Not even an hour after I said this to a coworker, I received these messages from Jillian, who gave me a giftcard to Sephora:

"Use it on yourself. DON'T BUY PRESENTS FOR OTHER PEOPLE!"

And then, just in case I hadn't gotten the point:

"Seriously. I KNOW YOU."

Oh, she's good.

So, needless to say, I went to Sephora on Friday and spent half of my giftcard on Philosophy's Creme Brulee body wash and some lip balm (and Jillian, I promise I'll spend the rest on myself...but at a later date).

Then the weekend got busy, mostly with our sixth wedding of the year and thoughts of my busy week to come and the 5k that we're running in this coming weekend, and SMACK...I got a cold. Something about that "my head is disconnected from my body" feeling tends to yank you back from all of your future thinking and drop you back into the present.

And so, universe, I hear you. I am trying to slow down this week and I am trying to take better care of myself and trying not to care if everything gets done. And I'm smelling like delicious creme brulee while I'm at it!

Party Like It's 9/29/09

PJ and I at Mike and Ashley Wiese's wedding
September 26, 2009

Handsome devil, isn't he? We spent last Wednesday-Saturday in Orchard Park/Buffalo for the wedding of some college friends (and an early escape from the G-20 Summit in Pittsburgh). Very busy weekend, but it was good to see friends and family. We celebrated my birthday with my parents and relatives on Sunday and then headed back to the 'burgh.

Yesterday was my actual birthday, and it was great...just a quiet, but great day. I received lots of phone calls and messages from my family and friends, one of the departments that I work for took me out to lunch at Point Brugge Cafe (mussels in white wine and shallot sauce and an apple-walnut pastry for dessert)...mmm...) and then I came home to flowers and the BEST dinner at Legume (three-squash ravioli with braised pork shoulder and sage and a cardamom pot de creme for dessert...this is the dish that I want to be served on my deathbed.) Nothing too crazy, but just a very happy day. Thank you to everyone who gave me some love :o)

Working Girl

Oliver, looking quite handsome

September 2009

Some days, I wish I had a job that I found fulfilling. It seems horrible to complain right now, with such a high unemployment rate in the US, but...I'm going to anyways. It's not that I dislike my current job--I actually work with some great people. Some days though, I sit at work and think, "why did I go to college, if I was only going to make pennies for a salary?" And then I just keep going to school and getting more degrees, but I still don't know what I want to do, so I sit at my job and do all of the work that no one else wants to do. Next Tuesday I'll turn 26, and this definitely was not where I thought I would be or where I wanted to be, job-wise. I have to confess, I'm very afraid of getting to 30 and realizing that I've wasted my 20s on jobs that drained me, rather than jobs that I felt proud of and excited about...because really, the majority of my waking hours are spent at work, so I should love what I do, right?


I want a job that makes me think, where if I'm tired, it's because I've been working so hard on something that I'm passionate about. I want to be proud when I talk about my job, instead of feeling like I have to qualify it with, "well, I'm going to grad school, so that's why I've been an admin for the past few years." I don't know what to tell people when they ask what I'm planning on doing when I'm done with grad school, because right now, I can't see that far and when I try to look, it's all very fuzzy.



On a much happier note, the new Pearl Jam album is awesome, and I will see them in t-minus 39 days.

Fall Kickoff!

Yippee!! I heart football season.

(On a total side note...I want one of these chalkboards. Either the quotable one or the today one...birthday idea? Yes, I think so.)

Oliver

Oliver's first day at home
August 31, 2009

This is Oliver. We got him from Animal Rescue League last Monday after meeting him the day before. His previous owner(s) left him tied to a tree with a note saying that he got too big. Wellll he's not to big for this joint. He's about eight months old and he loves to play and go for walks. He's a smart cookie, and when he wants you to play with him, he whips a toy at your leg (or, if you happen to be sitting, he has extraordinary aim and can smack you in the head with said toy). He loves to be around us, and if only one of us is home, he follows that person from room to room. If both of us are home, he runs back and forth between the two, not wanting to miss any excitement.

Sigh.

I have always wanted a dog of my own. I grew up with dogs--my parents currently have five. I couldn't wait for the day that I could finally get one. Now that that day has arrived, I feel...pressured? I'm not sure what I feel yet. I think that part of the problem is that the past few weeks had already been so hectic--packing up the old apartment and cleaning, coordinating a move, moving in and unpacking, home and back for Chris and Jillian's wedding, beginning my MBA, and a very busy time at work with the beginning of the school year. I've felt as though my head has been spinning lately, and this just made it go at turbo speed.

I hesitate to write any of this, because I do love this dog. He's very sweet, and needed a good home, and I'm so glad that we can provide that for him. When I look at him, I can already tell how happy he is. In fact, as I write this, I can see him sleeping in his big blue bed, and he looks so peaceful. It's just the matter of how much extra everything this adds on to life--extra time, extra effort, not to mention extra money. A part of me is yelling, "what were you thinking?!" The other part though, is telling that part to grow up. And maybe that's what this is about.

Oliver wakes up around 6:50 am, like clockwork. It doesn't matter if it's the weekend, he is UP and ready to go for his morning walk. As his owners and sharers-of-the-bedroom, we no longer have the option of sleeping in until 10 am (or even 8, as far as he is concerned). It doesn't matter if it's chilly outside, or if we didn't sleep well the night before, or if we have a million and a half things on our plates for the day--his needs have to take priority over all of that. There's nothing like a dog to magnify your selfishness...

And so, I will continue to love this dog. I will wake up in the morning at take him for a walk (you know, unless PJ wants to let me sleep in for a few...). I will play with him and let him know that he is with people who want him and who don't think that he's too big to take care of.

Gotta go...Oliver wants to play!

Happy Things

Posing with two of my favorite girls at the rehearsal dinner
August 20, 2009

A few things that are making me happy right now...

*We went to meet this little gentleman today and might take him home this week! If not though, at least we have a dog bed and chew toys ready for our dog-to-be...

*Finally living in our totally awesome new apartment...we lucked into it because my friend Jennifer and her husband Dave were getting ready for a big move to Doha, Qatar. Major improvement from the last apartment...pictures to come soon!

*A surprise ticket to go see Pearl Jam in October! (Thank you, Gabe!)

*A weekend visit from Mom and Grandma Mary...there was homemade banana bread involved. Enough said.

*A text from my dad, just to let me know that he misses me and that he's proud of me

*Beginning my MBA this week...this is exciting to me primarily because I enjoy purchasing school supplies. Yes, I am still a geek.

*Less than a month until my birthday! Yes, I am still five years old and secretly do birthday countdowns in my head. Thirty days, in case you were interested.

*The new season of Top Chef is on. We always seem to cook more when this is on...I made some EXCELLENT chili last night!

*I have been connecting with all kinds of old friends lately, from elementary/middle/high school and college. It's so much fun to see what people are up to these days. I heart you, facebook.

Ahh, happy days :o)

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Chris and Jillian Scanlon

August 21, 2009

I am in love with this picture.

It was taken last weekend at Chris and Jillian's wedding. Never before have I met two people who are so very different, but still manage to make it work. Jillian is the more outgoing of the two, quiet when she needs to be, but bright and sunny to the world around her. She is the singer and the actress, the nurturer, the sensitive one. Chris is the quieter of the two, much louder when he knows you well, but quiet and observant to the world around him. He is the athlete and the teacher, the protector, the stoic one. Jillian loves people harder and more visibly than anyone I've ever met. Chris is not as quick to show it, but you know it's there, and once it is, it's there forever.

My heart is so full for these two. Congratulations to the new Mr. and Mrs. Scanlon!

A Good Find and a Congrats!

I spent a good four-ish hours today garage sale hopping with my coworker, Gerry, and her daughter Robin and I was so excited about my big find that I had to post it. PJ and I have a galley kitchen and an affinity for kitchen gadgets, so we don't have all that much counter space. We've been looking for some sort of extra cabinet to serve as storage space and a little extra counter room, but haven't found anything we liked under $100. I found the above cabinet at a garage sale today for (drumroll, please...)....FIVE DOLLARS. Yes, thank you, I am queen of bargain hunting.


I also wanted to say congratulations to my man and a couple of friends. PJ, Brian, and Jillian rode their bikes 150 miles this weekend in the MS Society's Escape to the Lake. Great job, guys (and girl)!

I'll Miss You Most, Scarecrow

This past week has been one of the more difficult ones that I've had to face in a long time. On Monday, I found out that one of my former co-workers from County Council had passed away very suddenly. John was one of those people who was so loud, so outgoing, and so lively, that the thought of him no longer being around is almost inconceivable to me.

After I got over the initial shock of finding out, I remembered one of the last conversations that we had, when I was getting ready to move on to my new job. John asked if I would ever come back and visit, and when I said yes, he said, "No, no you won't! You'll never come back to see us. You're going to miss me so much, though. You'll think, 'I'll miss you most, Scarecrow-' you know, that line from The Wizard of Oz? And I'll be the Scarecrow..." I promised to come back and visit, that we would go out to lunch.

John was the person who would walk through the office, singing a song or quoting a movie and trying to make you guess what it was from. He brought me linguine with clam sauce that his wife had made, because I told him it was my favorite. He always had almonds and candy in his office, because he knew that was a good way to get people to come in and talk. His cell phone ringer was the song from Monday Night Football and he would let it get through the whole song before he'd answer it, because he thought it was funny. He loved to talk about books and movies, and after I borrowed Citizen Kane, he would randomly walk up to me and say, "Rosebud..." After I worked there for two weeks, I told him he was obnoxious, and he never let me forget it. He was so proud of his family and talked about them all of the time. He had a Vanilla Coconut wallflower in his office and changed it in a huff after I told him that it reminded me of a bathroom, because that was the spray that we had at home. No matter where you were in the office, you could always hear John (even when he closed his office door, thinking that you could no longer hear him yell obscenities at the person on the other end of the phone). He was immensely proud of being the first staff member hired by Council and of his part-time job as a DJ. He loved making people laugh, and from what I heard, was still doing Marlon Brando impressions on his hospital bed. He was far from perfect, but he was 100% himself, all of the time.

I only went back to the office one time after I quit, and the senior staff members were all at a conference. I made someone take a picture of me in the office, just to prove to John that I had come back.

This whole experience has really shaken me. John had a three sons who were around my age, and a wife who he loved very much. He was only 57 when he died, and it was completely unexpected. It makes me want to say more "I love yous" and more "thank yous." It makes me want to hug people longer and visit and talk to them more often. It makes me want to get less bogged down by the stupid, inconsequential things that I allow to upset me. It makes me not want to put things off, especially things that involve spending time with friends and family. It makes me not want to take my life for granted.




I'll miss you most, Scarecrow.

Moments of Joy

View of downtown Pittsburgh from Mt. Washington
Image taken from here

I am always astounded at how much faster time goes by when you're having fun. Jillian came down for the weekend and I'm shocked at how quickly it flew by...so quickly, in fact, that we didn't even take pictures. It was a whirlwind of shopping, movies, food, and big azz margaritas (of course). Before we came back here last night, PJ drove us up to Mt. Washington, which has absolutely the most beautiful view of the city. Unfortunately, none of us had cameras with us then, either, but the picture above should provide a pretty good idea of why we went.

The weekend got off to a good start on Friday, when my ring arrived (I think the emotion that would best describe my feelings when I saw the little robin's egg blue box would be "giddy." Yes, very, very giddy):



There was also some discussion about a group backpacking trip through Europe next summer...oh, my...

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

I can feel a shift in myself lately. It started at the beginning of April, when I participated in a panel discussion on qualitative research with three faculty members at the graduate colloquium. Three faculty members. Three PhDs...and me. I felt so completely out of my element and was absolutely positive that I would either: a) pass out; b) throw up; and/or c) begin speaking in jibberish (something akin to that scene in Bruce Almighty when Steve Carell starts babbling). But somehow, I made it through the presentation. I received a ton of compliments (my professors, the graduate dean [who also just happens to be my boss] and fellow students were all in attendance--no pressure...) and was told that, no, I did not sound like an idiot...I was actually very coherant and engaging. I felt like a million bucks when I was done. I walked out of the building that night feeling a kind of confidence that I haven't felt since doing theatre in high school. It's that kind of confidence when you know that you did okay. That you were even good at what you did, and that other people recognized you for it.

Me with Dr. Martha Ezzell, who pushed me to do the discussion panel

The next step came a couple of weeks later. PJ was gone for the weekend and I was bored, so I decided to finally try yoga. I knew absolutely nobody and had not taken a yoga class in eight years, but decided to get my butt off of the couch and just go.

Ten minutes after I got there, I wanted to die. No one warns you about hot yoga, which, if you haven't heard of it, is yoga practiced in a 95+ degree room. I literally thought to myself, this...this is where I am going to die. In a room filled with sweaty, bendy people.

But then when I left class, I felt AMAZING. My body was all stretched out, my mind was quieter, and I just felt more opened up. So I kept going. And now, I'm still trying to go at least once a week. It's a hobby that is mine, something that I am doing for myself and it feels sooo good.

It's been these types of changes, little and big, that are slowly beginning to build up and move me in a better direction with my life--conversations with faculty and classmates about letting myself not try to plan everything, deciding to begin an MBA program in the fall, allowing myself to splurge a little bit and buy a ring to celebrate my first Master's Degree (it arrives tomorrow!!!!)

So yes, there is a shift. It might be small, but it's there...I can feel it.

Confessions of a Think-aholic

Having a little too much fun with PJ's iMac...

Sometimes, when I get ready to write on here, I feel like I know what I want to say. I sit down at my computer, get ready to type, and then all of a sudden...I draw a complete blank. What can I say that I haven't already said? It seems like I always write about the same things...being overwhelmed, feeling lonely, wanting to have hobbies that don't necessarily involve staying home...by myself...but at the same time, I find that these issues just keep resurfacing. I hope I'm not the only one who feels like this and I'm pretty sure that there must be other people in my life who feel like this, but good GOD, I wish I knew who they were. It's not something that I talk to other people about in any great depth--how could I? It's exhausting listening to myself think sometimes, so why on earth would anyone else want to hear it? In any case, though, I want to move past this version of myself. In order to do so, I think I need to be honest with the way that I feel at this point in my life:

Although I have lived in Pittsburgh for almost a year and a half, I am sometimes still dreadfully lonely. Homesickness comes and goes in waves, and I also wish I had more close friends down here.

I am jealous of my friends who have good jobs and are living very comfortably, who are married/engaged, and who seem to have their lives much more "together" than I do.

I wish I was as creative as I used to be. I wish I felt inspired to write stories, and songs, and to draw pictures and sing. I'm not sure where that part of me went, but I sure would like to find it.

I don't often feel very smart, which may seem odd, because I do very well in school. More often than not, though, I feel like maybe my professors have gotten slightly confused in their grading and I'm really just pulling a fast one on everybody.

I get really scared to try new things because I'm afraid I'll fail. Sometimes I wonder if I quit teaching because I didn't think I was smart enough to do it. Anything that I've ever quit has been something at which I thought I'd fail. I refused to even give myself the opportunity to do so.

Some days I think that I wish I could stop...thinking.


Ah. That's a heavy load to carry around with me, and it has been carried around for many, many miles and many, many years. Maybe it's ridiculous to write it online, but something about being able to look at these admissions helps me understand them a little bit better. They're usually just swimming around in my brain at all times and frankly, I need a break. My brain is tired, and so is my soul. I am so ready for new thoughts and a new, more peaceful, and more purposeful direction for my life.

Saturday Morning Sermon

Megan and Katie, Bon Jovi concert
January 2006...or thereabouts

I can't believe how quickly time goes by as you start to get older. Growing up, it seemed like time passed so slowly. I remember being in first grade and thinking that the fifth graders were SO OLD and that there was no way I would ever get there. Now I've been out of college for a few years and am almost done with my Master's, which seemed like an impossibility not so long ago. It's nice to know, though, as I was reminded last night by my part-of-college and post-the-first-couple-of-years-of-college roommate (see above) that with some people, even though everything around you may change, you still retain those parts of you that made you become friends in the first place. It's tough to find those people that you really fit with--not just the ones you get along with and can have fun with, but the people who, when something funny happens, you just have to look at and they know exactly what you are thinking. The people who will rock out with you to sweet 80s tunes at 2 am and the people who will know when you just need to sit quietly with someone. I miss the closeness of those relationships so badly, and when I'm home or visiting friends, I try to gather as much of that as I can to take back here with me. As we all grow further into our own lives, though, it gets harder and harder to have those moments. It's always easy to blame it on the other party, too--they have their own lives now, they must not need me. But this all makes me think that this is the opportunity we all get to really figure out who is important to us. Maybe it's not all of the same people who were important to us in earlier parts of our lives; maybe those people were only meant to be our friends at the exact point that we needed them most. Maybe all of those people are still needed. I think it's different for each person, but I think we get to choose the friendships that are still (or newly) important to us in each stage of our lives and work to stay connected with those people.

And that's the end of my Saturday morning sermon.

On a much different note, tomorrow is the Superbowl and I'm so excited to be in Pittsburgh to cheer on the Steelers! In honor of the occasion, I have posted one of my favorite past Superbowl commercials for your enjoyment (for those of you who might be confused, it's the Budweiser commercial that is a play on the one from the year before, in which a bunch of guys called each other and just said, "WAZZZZUPPP?!?!"):

Resolute in My Lack of Resolutions

Pretty snowfall
December 31, 2008

I love New Year's Eve. Not so much for the partying, although that's fun too, but for the excitement of a new year. Each year, I think, I can be different next year. I will be more confident, more successful, less anxious and less insecure. I will start new projects. I will finally learn how to play the guitar for real and I will finally start jogging. I will save my money so that I can travel and still somehow pay off my credit card like a good girl. I won't watch so much tv and I will banish this little belly that seems to expand every time I clean out a bread basket at a restaurant. I won't care what other people think about me and I won't take it personally when friendships begin to change. I will be happy.

And then comes January 1st. And once the champagne bubbles have worn off, I think, oh, dear. This year might just not turn out that way. Why do any of us put that kind of pressure on ourselves? It's just another day. January 1st is just another day. Why do I need a laundry list of resolutions that I will most likely not accomplish within the next 365 days because it's just too overwhelming?

So this year, on New Year's Eve, I tried to block the expectations that I typically let run rampant in my mind, and instead, decided just to enjoy it for what it was--a good excuse to spend some time with friends, have yummy food and champagne, and get a smooch from my handsome boyfriend at midnight. And it was a good night. We got dressed up and went over to Dana's and celebrated the night with a small group, then came home around 1, watched an episode of Flight of the Conchords, and fell asleep on the couch. No resolutions and no big expectations of magically turning into a new and improved version of myself.

And then on January 1st...I got up, watched some episodes of Melrose Place, made a big breakfast with pancakes and mimosas, and later, went out to lunch and had some beer and pierogies. I'm pretty sure there was a nap involved in there, too. No plans, no lists...just a nice relaxing day.

Now I'm not going to lie; the resolutions keep creeping into my mind and I keep trying to push the damn things back out. Saving money--okay, maybe not such a bad idea. Reinventing my body so that it looks like Jillian the Trainer on The Biggest Loser? Probably not going to happen. And so, after much thought and consideration, I have decided that the only thing I will commit myself to doing this year is to being a little bit kinder to myself. To taking things day by day, and trying to relax about life a little more. To paying attention to what I actually feel and want, rather than how I think I should feel, or look, or act.

To taking a cue from Bailey, and just doing the things that make me happy.

Bailey loving life
December 25, 2008