Good Mornings

Quiet morning in Shadyside, April 27, 2008

And these days
I wish I was six again...
-John Mayer, "83"

It's one of those perfect kind of mornings today. The kind where it's still really quiet outside, except for the birds and a few passing cars and it's sunny, but still a little chilly. I love it. When I walked outside and smelled the air, for a split second I wanted to be a little kid again. I remember how on mornings like this, especially during the summer, I would pour my cereal and go sit on our front porch . I'd lean against one of the posts along the front wall of the porch and dangle my feet over either side, just watching the neighborhood wake up. Those were the best kinds of mornings.

So there you go. No deep thoughts today, just a little reminiscing. Hope everyone is enjoying their morning, too.

Two Years

Katie & PJ, April 25, 2008

We celebrated our 2-year anniversary yesterday. I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful boyfriend (one who can still love me even after I accidentally kick him in the eye...long story...but you may notice the slight bruise in the picture above). A lot has happened over the past two years, but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm very happy with where we are right now. I have a best friend and a boyfriend all rolled into one...someone to make dinner with and play cards with and laugh with and just be with. I'm a lucky, lucky girl.

Anniversary dinner of chicken saltimbocca...yum yum

And we rounded out the evening with one last celebration before our friend Will heads off to Quantico...

Evan, Will, and PJ, April 25, 2008

Overwhelm

The Joys of Graduate School, April 2008

The papers and the readings. The bills. The meetings. The workload. The car. The family.

I am in a state of overwhelm this month.

This isn't to say that none of this was expected (ok, maybe getting the car stuck in a parking garage for two days while PJ was out of town was not exactly "expected," per se, but other than that...). I didn't begin grad school because I thought it would be easy to fit into any schedule, especially a full-time work schedule, but WOW. This past month has left me feeling drained of energy. All I want to do when I get home is sleep, and on the weekends, I find myself yawning my way through plans. There are days at work when I just want to cry and some days at home when I do.

Some events of the past month have hurt me more than just physically. Some have left me feeling very self-conscious and even worse, some have left me feeling small. Things to which people say, "don't let that bother you," but I still do. For me, and for a lot of people, I think, when you spend so much time trying to juggle everything, it really feels bad when it's not appreciated. I wish I knew how to shut down that part of myself--the part that wants to fix everything, and to make everything nice and perfect for everyone. The part that wants people to say, "Why yes, Katie, you ARE the best at everything. Great job!" It's ridiculous when I think about it. Really, in the grand scheme of things, who cares? Will my life really be that much better if I get a perfect GPA in grad school? Noper. Will I feel satisfied if the party goes perfectly? No, probably not.

One good thing that the past month has brought me, though, is a renewed appreciation for the cheerleaders in my life...the people who tell me to stop being my own harshest critic. The people who are proud of me for the changes that I have made and the things that I am working to accomplish. The people who ask me if they can do anything to lessen my load.

I'm a lucky girl. A little bit tired, but very lucky.

And speaking of lucky girls (and guys), a big congratulations to two of my closest friends, Jillian and Chris, who got engaged on Friday!

Jillian & Chris, September 29, 2007