Great Expectations

The Miller Zoo, November 2007

I had a conversation with someone yesterday about expectations and how the things that we expect from ourselves are sometimes so much greater and harder and more unrealistic than they need to be. I look around me and see friends with great jobs, who seem happy with the life that they've created, and I still feel so unsure about mine. And instead of really stopping to take stock of how I feel at any given minute, I push it down and down until I have days when I can't figure out why I feel sad. The truth is, moving to a new place is lonely. Even when you have someone with you, it can still feel lonely. I miss having someone to act girly with. I miss being able to drive home almost any weekend that I wanted to, instead of just seeing my family on holidays. I want to have a real, permanent job, not a temp job. I want to have a real paycheck and I want to feel confident about the choices that I've made. I'm just not there yet. I think that I'm starting to recognize that I need to deal with these feelings, though, and not just stuff them down, like I want to. I need to have expectations for me, not expectations that are dependent on what everyone else is doing.

Speaking of expectations, Thanksgiving wasn't quite what I expected it to be. We had a very scary couple of weeks leading up to the holiday, when my aunt ended up in the hospital (she's out and getting better now, thankfully). I had a bad cold and ended up stuck in my parents' house for most of the weekend and didn't see many friendly faces while I was home. It did feel good, though, to visit with my family...and of course, to cuddle with the dogs. I did end up getting to see the extended family on Sunday-- I went up to Buffalo before PJ and I came back down to Pittsburgh. A quiet weekend, but still a good one.

Our Christmas Tree!

And now, on to Christmas! I was fully into the swing of things as soon as we got home from Buffalo. Our little Charlie Brown-like Christmas tree is decorated and lit and most of the other decorations are up. I love, LOVE Christmas season. Christmas music, trees, lights, hot chocolate, candy canes, snowflakes, buying secret gifts, cards, parties...what's not to love? It makes each day feel a little bit happier.


One more little tidbit. The other day, I stumbled upon a video that made for many hours of laughter during my undergraduate career--

Terry Tate, Office Linebacker