Hope*Full

The Latest Addition to the Miller Brood*, December 23, 2007

A complete whirlwind-- that's the only way to describe the past two weeks. We had a very hectic Christmas-- Corning on Friday and Saturday, Orchard Park on Sunday and Monday morning, Rochester on Monday and Tuesday (Christmas), then back up to Orchard Park so that I could meet my sister and we could drive back down here. I ended up having a much more difficult time with the busy schedule than I thought I would-- I felt like I didn't get to see anyone enough, but at the same time, I saw just about everyone I had hoped to see. It was really hard not to wake up on Christmas morning at my parents' house. That was a first for me. Even though we never really had big plans, I have always spent Christmas day with my family. PJ's family was wonderful-- we had a lot of fun opening presents and had a very yummy dinner, but I kept forgetting that it was Christmas, just because the change felt so foreign to me. So, yes, I'll admit it:

I'm 24 years old and I really missed my mommy and daddy this Christmas.

Sarah came back down to Pittsburgh and stayed for a few days, though (PJ had to work in Rochester for the rest of the week), so it was fun to spend some time with her doing girl stuff--shopping, chick flick, dinner dates, watching "Gilmore Girls"...basically every non-boy thing we could think of. PJ came back down on Friday with his brother, Rob, and Rob's girlfriend Nikki, which made for a super fun weekend. We went and saw this exhibit at the Carnegie Science Center, did some more shopping, hit a few bars, and met their Pittsburgh-area family members for brunch today. The fun continues tomorrow with a trip to Buffalo to spend New Years Eve with our friend Jon, which I'm sure will be entertaining, to say the least.

New Years...I really can't believe that it's here already. I know that people always say that, but seriously...where did 2007 go? This year has turned out so amazingly different than I thought it would be. Some very good things and some very bad things happened this year. Some things that I knew would happen and some completely unexpected surprises. I'm still kind of in shock as to where I am in my life right now (both in terms of actual location and career/school/life-wise). At the beginning of this year, this is not at all what I had expected. I have to say though, for the first time in my life, I am truly proud of some of the decisions that I have made. I could have taken the easy way out and continued teaching, kept going through with the grad program that I had started in, and kept living my life where I was comfortable. I knew that it wasn't right for me though, and so I (WARNING: cliche forthcoming) followed my heart. I'm in the right grad program now and I'm so much happier at my job.

For 2008, I'm not entirely sure what to hope for, since things seem to turn out quite differently than what I expect. I think that as a resolution, I would like to try to be less anxious about everything. I want to let things happen and not try to control everything. I am so full of hope that I'll continue to figure things out for myself and where I want my life to go. So that's my resolution (or non-resolution)-- to let go.

Happy New Year to all :o) I hope that 2008 is everything you want it to be...
and a little bit more.

Charlie* & Katie, December 23, 2007

*The very adorable gentleman in these pictures is Charlie Miller (also known as Chuck, Charles, and One Who Relieved Himself on Grandma's Carpet and Thus Nearly Lost His Life). Mom and Dad decided to add him to the zoo that is their home and I had a VERY difficult time not hiding him in my suitcase when I left.

Great Expectations

The Miller Zoo, November 2007

I had a conversation with someone yesterday about expectations and how the things that we expect from ourselves are sometimes so much greater and harder and more unrealistic than they need to be. I look around me and see friends with great jobs, who seem happy with the life that they've created, and I still feel so unsure about mine. And instead of really stopping to take stock of how I feel at any given minute, I push it down and down until I have days when I can't figure out why I feel sad. The truth is, moving to a new place is lonely. Even when you have someone with you, it can still feel lonely. I miss having someone to act girly with. I miss being able to drive home almost any weekend that I wanted to, instead of just seeing my family on holidays. I want to have a real, permanent job, not a temp job. I want to have a real paycheck and I want to feel confident about the choices that I've made. I'm just not there yet. I think that I'm starting to recognize that I need to deal with these feelings, though, and not just stuff them down, like I want to. I need to have expectations for me, not expectations that are dependent on what everyone else is doing.

Speaking of expectations, Thanksgiving wasn't quite what I expected it to be. We had a very scary couple of weeks leading up to the holiday, when my aunt ended up in the hospital (she's out and getting better now, thankfully). I had a bad cold and ended up stuck in my parents' house for most of the weekend and didn't see many friendly faces while I was home. It did feel good, though, to visit with my family...and of course, to cuddle with the dogs. I did end up getting to see the extended family on Sunday-- I went up to Buffalo before PJ and I came back down to Pittsburgh. A quiet weekend, but still a good one.

Our Christmas Tree!

And now, on to Christmas! I was fully into the swing of things as soon as we got home from Buffalo. Our little Charlie Brown-like Christmas tree is decorated and lit and most of the other decorations are up. I love, LOVE Christmas season. Christmas music, trees, lights, hot chocolate, candy canes, snowflakes, buying secret gifts, cards, parties...what's not to love? It makes each day feel a little bit happier.


One more little tidbit. The other day, I stumbled upon a video that made for many hours of laughter during my undergraduate career--

Terry Tate, Office Linebacker

Home is Everywhere

Katie & PJ, Chris & Lizzie's wedding, August 2007

As we have discovered, no one tells you how hard it is to move in together. The little things and the big things seem so much more magnified when you see each other all of the time. Although logically I knew that our relationship would go through some changes when we moved in together, I never really thought about what those changes would be. I think the biggest one has been trying to get used to communicating with another person. I've always felt fairly independent, but still always had my friends and family around when I needed them. When you move in with a significant other, it's so much different. We've been learning how important it is for us to communicate with each other all of the time, even when it's a small issue, or even when it's uncomfortable, or when we don't want to. This has not been an easy change for me-- I'll take silence over disagreement any day (as unhealthy as I know that is), just to avoid a conflict. We're getting better at it, though. I almost feel like this was the last step that I needed for this place to feel like a home. I needed to feel like we were in this one together.

Reilly posing for the camera, 2007

Ahh, the other home. I'm SO excited to go back to New York for Thanksgiving. We're going to Corning on Thursday to visit with my family, Rochester on Friday to visit with PJ's family, and then I'm going back to Corning and PJ is staying in Rochester for the rest of the weekend. I can't wait to go eat good food and watch movies and talk with my family. I can't wait to play and cuddle with my dogs (with four dogs, it is most certainly bound to be a cuddlefest). I can't wait to hopefully spend time with Grandma, and Aunt Beth, and John. I can't wait to laugh with my friends. I haven't been home to Corning in over two months--it feels like forever. I did get to spend my birthday weekend with my friends, but I'm still so excited to see them again, since it only happens a couple of times each year. I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait.

Happy Almost-Halloween!

Frank & Jack, October 2007

It's almost Halloween, and with that, the first month in our new apartment is coming to an end. It seems crazy that it's gone this fast. Pittsburgh is finally starting to feel a little more like home, too, instead of a long-term visit. I realized today, when I walked into our apartment after getting groceries, that it smells like our apartment now, not how it smelled when we moved in. We're getting much more comfortable with our place, and I'm almost to the point where I don't still feel like I'm a visitor in someone else's space. Today felt even more home-like-- we've started carving pumpkins each year for Halloween, and this year, we watched PJ's favorite Halloween movie from when he was younger, The Halloween Tree. Last year, he really wanted to watch it, so I looked everywhere for it, but couldn't find it until Christmas. This year, we finally got to watch it while we carved our pumpkins-- it was neat to start a little tradition of our own.

This past week has been busy, busy, busy. Sunday started off with a trip to Orchard Park to watch the Buffalo Bills game with my sister, a couple of her friends, PJ, and our friend Brian. The game was a blast (especially since Buffalo won!) and it was great to see my sister, my grandma, and my long-lost friend Jeff (a.k.a. Goober) from college. Here are a couple of pre-game shots:

Sara, Katie, and Sarah, October 21, 2007

Brian & PJ, showing the love, October 21, 2007

Katie & Goober, October 21, 2007

PJ and I also received some free tickets to the Pitt game, so it was quite the football-filled weekend.

The craziness of the past week has also been due to my new job! It's only a temporary position through mid-January (I'm taking over for a woman who's on maternity leave), but I already love it. I'm working with the Allegheny County Council office-- most of my job is writing proclamations, but I also get to research and draft bills and amendments and do various other office-related work. I get to work really closely with the Council members, though, which has been great so far. It's interesting to see how the government works. I'm slightly ashamed to say that I'd never really thought about it before, but now I get to see a lot of the behind-the-scenes work. Everyone in the office was so helpful during my first week, too. It's almost odd to feel excited to go to work tomorrow. I've never had that experience before. Usually on Sunday nights, I'm dreading going to bed, because I know that I'll have to wake up for work. I think that a part of me is so grateful to finally have something after being without a steady job for a few months, but the other part of me is grateful to myself for realizing that teaching wasn't right for me, and for trying to find a different path that would make me happy. I truly believe that I'm on that path now. I love my degree program, I love my job, and I'm on my way to loving where I live.

Totally Octobular!

Odd little nighttime picture from our yard, October 2007

We're finally all moved in and settled into our new apartment. The moving process was a little bit hectic, as we concocted the genius plan of moving during the same weekend as Stephanie & Justin's wedding and my birthday (note to self: please do not do that again, if you value any kind of sleep). The Merging of Things has gone pretty well, although I'm not entirely sure that PJ appreciates the collection of angel figurines in the guest room. In fact, I'm almost positive that he's not a fan, as noted by the, "Oh, God...what are those...," mumbled under his breath while I was unpacking. Other than the minor decorating differences, the apartment is starting to look quite home-y, which is huge for me, after months of feeling like I didn't have a place to call my own. The only big thing that we have left to do is cover our windows. If you look in the picture above, blurry as it may be, on the bottom left you'll see our greenhouse windows. When we first saw this apartment, I thought, "Oh neat! Greenhouse windows! I must have this apartment with the cool windows!" Now that sentiment has morphed into something more like, "Oh neat! The neighbors can all look into our apartment! Hi, neighbor!"...which, in case you were wondering, is actually NOT that neat. So we're working on that one, and using some classy blankets and sheets as our curtains in the meantime. We have a yard, though, a real, fenced-in, little yard of our own! I like having that little bit of extra space and I can't wait for next summer, so that we can grill out there.

The lack of a job has had me out exploring the city lately. I love love love our neighborhood (there's a Gap and a Williams-Sonoma and a Sephora within walking distance...what more could I ask for? I'm especially glad that we moved here when we did-- even though we've had some warm days lately, I can feel the sweater weather coming and all of the leaves are changing colors and falling. It smells like autumn. It's my absolute favorite time of year and I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to get out and enjoy it before I start working again. Here are a couple more Pittsburgh favorites (and yes, one of those links is to a library, but you have to see this place-- the architecture is fantastic...plus they have a coffee shop inside).

I didn't want to end this entry without saying congratulations to Justin & Stephanie (the lovely Miss Stephanie, who kindly asked me to update my blog so that she could continue to stalk me). They were married on my birthday this year, and I was more than delighted to share the day with them!

Justin & Stephanie Larson, September 29, 2007

Congratulations!

Weekend With My Man

Outer Banks, NC, July 2007

Oh, how I miss this face. PJ came down to Pittsburgh for the weekend so that we could look at apartments (and we actually found one that we liked!) and of course, to spend some quality time with his lovely girlfriend. It was a good weekend-- Goodwill Glam party with the roommates, nights out with friends, a lazy Sunday watching the Steelers' game...all very fun. It was hard to say goodbye yesterday, though. There were some tears involved (on my part, clearly). I think that once you get so used to seeing someone almost every day (like we did when we both lived in Rochester), it makes the transition to seeing each other once a week at the most really difficult. I'm so excited and so ready for it to be October. I'm ready to be living in my own apartment again, ready for a steady job again, ready to feel settled again.

On another note, the new season of Oprah began yesterday, which definitely made my day a little better!

I'm a Yinzer!

I am bound and determined to post more than once this month, so I thought I'd start early, rather than waiting until the last week of September.

I'm finally in Pittsburgh! I'm temporarily living with one of the girls in my grad class while PJ and I look for an apartment. It feels good to finally be down here. It felt so hectic driving back and forth between Horseheads and Pittsburgh (and Buffalo and Rochester and...) for the past month, so I'm glad to be semi-settled in one area now. Shadyside is a really cute area; it actually reminds me a lot of the Park Ave. area in Rochester and I think that's making the transition a little easier. I've never lived this far away from home before (nor have I ever lived with people who I've known for less than a month), so I'm definitely being pushed out of my comfort zone a bit, which is good for me. I tend to get a little hermit-ish sometimes, figuring that it would just be easier to stay in. I get comfortable in a place (that goes for where I'm living and working, too) and I shy away from any sort of change at times. This whole process of leaving teaching and embarking on a new career path, moving to a new city in a new state, and moving in with PJ has been pretty stressful, but pretty exciting, too.

Some Shadyside favorites:
Crazy Mocha Coffee Company
Shady Grove Restaurant & Bar

And there are tons more that I can't wait to try. Did I mention that I'm excited to be here?

A One-Woman Circus

Apparently I'm not so good at the whole "posting more than once a month" thing, but that seems to fall in with the common thread of this summer. It's been a serious test of endurance and I always feel like I'm one step behind where I need to be. It's hard to complain sometimes, because between all of the friends' weddings-related activities, the welcome home parties, the party parties and the family get-togethers, I feel like I've gotten to see all of my loved ones more than I've had an opportunity to over the past couple of years. Still, between all of that and moving back home, trying to coordinate a move to Pittsburgh, trying to find a new job, and starting a Master's program (all while trying to squeeze a little money out of my minimum-wage jobs...), I'm left feeling just slightly depleted of any sort of life force.

I noticed the other day that one of my main stress-related problems might be my natural inclination to multi-task. I even do it when I'm not trying-- I'll be in bed, or in the shower, and I have 8 million things running through my head that I need to get done. Then I inevitably end up in a mini-frenzy, trying to do them all at once. It really hit me the other day just how much this approach is affecting me. The smallest things set me off now and reduce me to a puddle, and really, who wants to be like that? I decided that I need to start consciously reminding myself to slow down and only do one thing at a time, as much as possible. It's actually been working pretty well during the past couple of days. When I find myself starting to get overwhelmed, I just think about one thing on my list of things to do and I concentrate on getting that done. It's harder than I thought it would be; my mind keeps wanting to wander on to the next thing, but I force it back.

And now that I've finally updated the blog, it's on to the next thing. Not the next five...just one.

The First One

I have no idea how to start a blog. This is my first one, the inspiration for which I got from my mild obsession with reading the blogs of people that I've never met. All of their lives sound significantly more interesting than mine, which is why I think I like to read them. However, the idea that I'm putting something out there that will remain for many years to come is kind of neat. The last time that I participated in any web-changing experience was in 9th grade, when my friend Kristy and I decided to create a webpage devoted to Ben Affleck (which, if anyone is interested, can be located here).

So. In order to get this first blog out of the way, I'm going to end it with a quote that I think best fits my life right now. The real writing can come later.

"For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin-- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. Happiness is a journey, not a destination..."
- Souza